Never Judge A Book By It's Cover..Not

salam.

don't judge a book by it's cover.
but hey,
in my case,
it's judging the book by the cover.

yeah.
looks can be deceiving.
i know.
some will agree.
others won't.

but i do think that people really judge a person by the looks.
hmmmm.
i am not saying i am good,
but i don't judge people, by their looks.
coz i know how it feels.

being a person lacking good looks
made you feel you are lacking of confidence.
this is the true story of a girl named Ain Shaqirah.
a girl who has a big heart,
so cheerful outside,
but never let anyone knew her insides.

..Ain Shaqirah..
a chubby girl,
lacking confidence, as always.
she's passive in her class.
not wanting to join the hip ones.
she has a world of her own.
she created a big wall, so big that she wouldn't let anything negative hurts her.
she was so fear of getting hurt.

everytime she felt she was hurted,
she cried own her own.
calming herself down.
saying positive words to herself,
not long after that,
she's back on top,
but still feeling deeply hurt.

everyone sees her as a young, cheerful person.
and everything insides are kept so deep,
so deep that even if digg-ed,
still wouldn't be found.

Ain Shaqirah,
her smiles may coloured peoples' lives.
and her smile,
also do colours her darkness.
she kept the darkness hidden under the rainbow,
which she called,
the smiles.

she smiles sincerely to everyone.
including strangers.
her smiles always as sincere as her heart.
but her smiles never sincered to herself.

she laughs.
when she laughed,
she tickled your heart.
her laugh shows so much sincerities.
she never made her laugh.
she never intended to laugh.
but she laugh when she's happy.
yes,
when she's really happy.

sometimes she wonders,
is there anyone out there really understands her?
she always prioritized others' feelings compared to herself.
anything that made people around her happy,
eventhough sometimes might be hurting her,
she ignores the feelings.
as long as people are happy.
but do people care about her feelings?
she never knew the answers.
as she's too scared to ask,
thinking people might say that she's over-reacting.
and thinking,
people MIGHT left her alone and sad.

Ain Shaqirah,
she's a fighter.
she hurt herself.
then she heels them.
broken hearted so many times,
made her feel she's safe when left alone.
she love hanging out alone,
coz she thought that when she's alone,
no one can hurt her.

but then,
everytime she walks alone,
and bumped into a group of friends,
laughing out laugh together,
holding hands...
deep inside,
she felt so lonely,
and envy of them.

up until now,
even she has so many friends,
she still doesn't found the TRUE one.
a friend who can be with her,
in time of happiness,
sadness
and who really understands her,
without her saying much words,
without her giving much explainations,
a friend she can trust deeply,
and a friend that NEVER judge her.

she's still searching for a friend,
a friend that doesn't come to her
only when they don't have their close friends around.
a friend that she can share her thoughts without being judge
and without being cut off.

FRIEND,
where are you?

LOVE,
a love to a friend,
she never really experienced it.
she always knew she's loved,
but never she feels it.

TRUST,
how can she trust?
coz she's always hurt.

and now,
Ain Shaqirah is typing this,
coz she feels so down,
she feels like being dumbed,
she feels like a fool.

Ain Shaqirah,
saying things to her blog,
and she feels it's safer to share with perfect strangers,
rather than people around her,
except her family.

Ain Shaqirah,
a girl with so much words of wisdom.
coz that's the only thing that can heal her.
she's a fighter on her own.
and she always make sure she win the fights.

looks really can be deceiving,
and Ain feels her look is really really deceiving.
oh my oh my,
how much it hurts her.
only God knows.

oh please oh please,
prove the sayings.
please prove that there are really words saying
"Never Judge A Book By It's Cover"
please prove it to Ain
she really needs to know.

to this one person,
you know who you are,
are you avoiding me?
i am feeling so.
if it's just me feeling so down,
please tell me.
someone who doesn't have the look,
always feels unsafe of her status.

and if my look really annoys you,
just say the truth and don't avoid me.
i rather be hated than being avoided.
and i rather be hurted than being fooled.

and this girl named Ain Shaqirah,
is ME.
and only ME.

-salam-

p/s: i tend to write in English when i feel so down. sorry...it's not that good, but yeah..here there are...words from my heart..to that person, i'll give us some spaces..i really hate this part..yes, really. :(