2 more weeks untuk majlis tahlil ke-40 arwah Nenek.
Not once in my daily life that I don't miss her.
Every single day, I would take minutes off just to say prayers for her.
There are so many memories with her, which made me confused sometimes.
They got mixed up whenever I am missing her.
Just too many.
Sometimes I cried of missing her.
Even sometimes, her voice, calling my name, echoed in the back of my mind.
I still can remember how her voice sounds like over the phone whenever I called her.
I still can remember her, smiling so cute and sheepishly whenever she asked me to comb off the skin psoriasis on her head.
Her laugh whenever we talked.
Her angry faces.
Her excitement in her voice whenever I called her from afar.
When I was a newborn, up until I was about 1 to 2 years old, she was the one taking care of me.
I stayed with her in Sibu for almost 2 years, while my parents working in Kuching.
Now you know why I was so fond of her.
And I just found out about this when we had the tahlil for the 20th night. How sad right?
And now I know why in the world that I have some special out of the world love for her.
And now I know why she always asked for me whenever I was on holidays.
If I couldn't go and spent time in Sibu with her, she'd come to Kuching, via bus, sometimes alone.
Ya Allah, a sacrifice a grandma did for a grand daughter.
And now, I am crying typing this.
Sometimes I wished I was dreaming and when I opened my eyes, she's here.
Sometimes I wished she's walking into my house, all smiling, and I got her hand to 'salam' her.
Sometimes I wished I am hugging her.
Sometimes I wished she's out there on the sofa watching her favorite Indonesian Sinetrons.
Sometimes I am waiting for her to call me from my room to help comb off the psoriasis on her head, like I always did.
Sometimes I wished I can request any meal from her, and she'll cooked it.
She never failed to cook anything I want.
She always did.
She would spare some meal just for me if I am not around because she knew I would love that.
She would help me sew my tore clothes, or sew the button on.
Sometimes I wished she's here to ask me to massage her back.
But wishes doesn't come true some times.
And she's not here anymore.
All I can do is close my eyes, and see her in the back of my mind.
Everything about her is still so clear.
So vivid, so real.
Her voices, her expressions, her laughs, her smiles, her love for me, her softness, everything.
Nek, kamek rindu kitak gilak-gilak Nek. Kamek rindu klaka ngan kitak. Kamek rindu nenga kitak ngerepak nangga cerita Indon. Kamek rindu masakan kitak. Kamek rindu pasal kitak yang selalu back up kamek. Kamek rindu kitak yang sik pernah nyebut pun hal berat kamek. Kamek rindu nenga kitak merik nasihat. Kamek rindu nenga kitak tetak-tetak bila kita berguro dengan Udak malam-malam di Sibo.Kamek rindu nenga kitak ngaji. Kamek rindu gilak kitak nekkk.
Tonight, the elder sis of my late Nenek, we called her Nek Cik, passed away too.
She was staying at late Nenek's house too, never been married.
Udak took care of her too.
She's also bedridden for some times, even before my late Nenek did.
Al-fatihah to them.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
It's time
Sebelum nih aku buat entry "Almost time" kan?
Aku buat entry tuh tengah malam Sabtu, kira awal pagi Ahad lah kan?
So petang semalam aku tergerak untuk buat kiraan.
Kan selalu 40 hari kan before ajal seseorang?
Semalam aku kira dari hari dia mula totally bedridden, sampai semalam, dah 39 hari.
Hari nih adalah hari ke 40.
And tak sangka perkiraan aku adalah betul.
Nenek aku dah kembali ke rahmatullah this morning.
Kira-kira 10 ke 15 minutes sebelum aku type entry nih.
Aku tengah tunggu Ayah aku amik dari office to go home and pack and off to Sibu.
Hmmmm.
Part of me rasa lega, sekarang dia dah tak suffer.
Part of me masih blur lagi.
So, I prolly not be going online for a week sebab akan ada di Sibu sampai malam ke-tujuh insyaAllah.
Kawan-kawan and family luar sana yang baca nih, aku mintak tolong sama-sama sedekahkan Al-fatihah dan bacaan Yassin dan Tahlil untuk Arwah Ramsah Bt Abd. Hamid.
Nenek, you will definitely be missed always and so much.
Al-fatihah.
Semoga kitak ditempatkan bersama orang beriman, Nek. Amin.
Aku buat entry tuh tengah malam Sabtu, kira awal pagi Ahad lah kan?
So petang semalam aku tergerak untuk buat kiraan.
Kan selalu 40 hari kan before ajal seseorang?
Semalam aku kira dari hari dia mula totally bedridden, sampai semalam, dah 39 hari.
Hari nih adalah hari ke 40.
And tak sangka perkiraan aku adalah betul.
Nenek aku dah kembali ke rahmatullah this morning.
Kira-kira 10 ke 15 minutes sebelum aku type entry nih.
Aku tengah tunggu Ayah aku amik dari office to go home and pack and off to Sibu.
Hmmmm.
Part of me rasa lega, sekarang dia dah tak suffer.
Part of me masih blur lagi.
So, I prolly not be going online for a week sebab akan ada di Sibu sampai malam ke-tujuh insyaAllah.
Kawan-kawan and family luar sana yang baca nih, aku mintak tolong sama-sama sedekahkan Al-fatihah dan bacaan Yassin dan Tahlil untuk Arwah Ramsah Bt Abd. Hamid.
Nenek, you will definitely be missed always and so much.
Al-fatihah.
Semoga kitak ditempatkan bersama orang beriman, Nek. Amin.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Almost time
As I expected, my Nenek is now on feeding tube.
She was admitted last few days, and just been discharged yesterday (Saturday).
Doctor said nothing much can be done.
She's getting worst.
And her organ begin shutting down, one by one :(
How scary right?
In 2 3 months, the cancerous cells had spread that fast.
Sadly, the specialist cannot find the first degree of it.
They said it's either her pelvic or somewhere else.
I don't know.
And she's now at home, in her room, monitored by my Aunts and cousins.
Mom said she's no more on the oxygen supply as she's on the feeding tube now.
Her condition is toooooooooo serious, that Mom said she'll be off to Sibu on Monday after sending my lil sis off for her first day of SPM.
I even overheard Mom talking to Cik about the food given through feeding tube cannot pass half the tube, meaning, her stomach cannot digest the food or something.
Hmmmm.
I guess it is no good for me to be crying.
Better recite Yassin right?
I don't want negative thoughts and vibes sent to her.
It's not helping her.
She should be given the strength, to at least ease her.
I actually dah tak tau nak react macam mana.
It's confusing you know.
Part of me hopes that she'll go soon, because I cannot stand seeing her suffer like that.
But another part of me still hoping for some miracle, for her to recover and be like before.
But it's all Allah's work.
Ajal maut dah tetap. Tak lambat sesaat, tak cepat sesaat.
Aku cuma mampu berdoa dipermudahkan urusan Nenek ku.
If she goes, she wont be suffering anymore.
But I'll suffer of missing her.
See?
Aku dah cakap, confusing lah these feelings I have right now.
In fact masa aku tengah type nih, aku rasa kosong.
Otak tak dapat nak fikir sangat.
Kecuali nak luah dekat cnih.
Ada rasa nak nangis, tapi masa yang sama ada rasa yang kuat yang tahan diri aku daripada menangis.
It's quite annoying lah perasaan nih.
Aku ada satu sikap buruk nih, pada padangan aku lah buruk tuh.
Aku kalau orang terdekat aku nazak macam Nenek sekarang nih, mula-mula dapat berita aku akan nangis and sedih gila-gila.
But after I went to see her, I am relieved. At least I know how she's doing, her condition.
Then, when I heard the news she's getting worst, I lost.
Blur entah ke mana menghilang pemikiran aku.
Aku tak rasa apa. Kosong.
Tapi if she goes, I know if I get to see her lying dead, unconscious, then, I will start crying so hard and so bad I couldn't stop.
That's me.
Orang cakap, I am living the moment.
Masa tuh baru aku rasa semua perasaan.
Sekarang aku masih kosong.
Help me.
Nenek is a ticking time bomb now.
Oh my, how I wish Kuching and Sibu is a walking distance.
Friends and families out there, and whoever is reading this, if you are a Muslim, please recite Yassin for her.
Pray for her ease. Pray that Allah gives her strength, simplified everything for her.
Hajjah Ramsah Binti Abd. Hamid.
That's my beloved Nenek.
Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan Nenek ku. Amin.
She was admitted last few days, and just been discharged yesterday (Saturday).
Doctor said nothing much can be done.
She's getting worst.
And her organ begin shutting down, one by one :(
How scary right?
In 2 3 months, the cancerous cells had spread that fast.
Sadly, the specialist cannot find the first degree of it.
They said it's either her pelvic or somewhere else.
I don't know.
And she's now at home, in her room, monitored by my Aunts and cousins.
Mom said she's no more on the oxygen supply as she's on the feeding tube now.
Her condition is toooooooooo serious, that Mom said she'll be off to Sibu on Monday after sending my lil sis off for her first day of SPM.
I even overheard Mom talking to Cik about the food given through feeding tube cannot pass half the tube, meaning, her stomach cannot digest the food or something.
Hmmmm.
I guess it is no good for me to be crying.
Better recite Yassin right?
I don't want negative thoughts and vibes sent to her.
It's not helping her.
She should be given the strength, to at least ease her.
I actually dah tak tau nak react macam mana.
It's confusing you know.
Part of me hopes that she'll go soon, because I cannot stand seeing her suffer like that.
But another part of me still hoping for some miracle, for her to recover and be like before.
But it's all Allah's work.
Ajal maut dah tetap. Tak lambat sesaat, tak cepat sesaat.
Aku cuma mampu berdoa dipermudahkan urusan Nenek ku.
If she goes, she wont be suffering anymore.
But I'll suffer of missing her.
See?
Aku dah cakap, confusing lah these feelings I have right now.
In fact masa aku tengah type nih, aku rasa kosong.
Otak tak dapat nak fikir sangat.
Kecuali nak luah dekat cnih.
Ada rasa nak nangis, tapi masa yang sama ada rasa yang kuat yang tahan diri aku daripada menangis.
It's quite annoying lah perasaan nih.
Aku ada satu sikap buruk nih, pada padangan aku lah buruk tuh.
Aku kalau orang terdekat aku nazak macam Nenek sekarang nih, mula-mula dapat berita aku akan nangis and sedih gila-gila.
But after I went to see her, I am relieved. At least I know how she's doing, her condition.
Then, when I heard the news she's getting worst, I lost.
Blur entah ke mana menghilang pemikiran aku.
Aku tak rasa apa. Kosong.
Tapi if she goes, I know if I get to see her lying dead, unconscious, then, I will start crying so hard and so bad I couldn't stop.
That's me.
Orang cakap, I am living the moment.
Masa tuh baru aku rasa semua perasaan.
Sekarang aku masih kosong.
Help me.
Nenek is a ticking time bomb now.
Oh my, how I wish Kuching and Sibu is a walking distance.
Friends and families out there, and whoever is reading this, if you are a Muslim, please recite Yassin for her.
This is her. This year's Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Nenek with her cute lil bag, that she brought around anywhere coz the angpaus in there :) I miss talking to her :(
Hajjah Ramsah Binti Abd. Hamid.
That's my beloved Nenek.
Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan Nenek ku. Amin.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Sexy
Aku nih kan, jenis yang selalu jer cakap salah dalam keadaan confident.
Maksudnya, aku mesti tanpa sedar dah sebut something tuh salah.
Lepas orang yang bertanya tuh tegur and gelak, baru aku perasan.
Ada aku mention dalam FB semalam and few days back.
Contoh paling ketara and bodoh adalah :
Situasi 1
Orang : Eyh Ain, siapa nyanyi lagu nih eyh? *referring to lagu "Lelaki Seperti Aku" on the radio"
Aku: Ohhhhhh, AZIZ Sattar! Best kan walaupun lirik entah apa-apa. *confident*
Orang : AZIZ Sattar? Eh? Hahahahahahahaha. Biar betul? *gelak guling-guling*
Aku: Alamak, ALIF Satar lahhhh. *blushing sambil gelak cover malu*
Situasi 2
Aku : Eyh, ASK 2011 hari tuh, Sanggul BELACAN macam menang banyak. Nak tengok lah that movie. Macam best. *confident*
Adik : Sanggul BELACAN? Eyh, Sanggul BERACUN lah!!!! hahahahahah *gelak tanpa henti*
Aunty : hahahahahhahahahahahaha *tumpang gelak*
Aku : haaaa haaaa, cerita tuh lahhh! *gelak skali nak cover malu*
And Aunty aku masa tuh adalah tengah driving dalam keadaan laju on our way to Sibu.
Dia gelak macam apa jer.
-_-"
Tahap malu aku dah tak payah susah-susah nak ukur.
Dah tak dapat nak diukur.
Nasib bukan depan boipren ke apa kan?
Eeeeeee.
Suka tau memalukan diri aku nih.
Nih lah satu perangai aku yang aku tak boleh nak kawal ok.
Aku rasa orang paling selalu sedar and gelakkan aku adalah Amira, coursemate aku.
Serious, minah tuh selalu gelakkan aku ok.
Sabar jer lah aku -_-"
Eyh, rindu pulak kat semua coursemates aku, especially the girls.
Huuuuuuwww.
Oklah.
Nak cakap tuh aje.
Aku kan gedik sampai cerita macam nih pun nak bagi tau.
Eyh, suka hati lah kan.
Blog aku *typical statement*
Malam tadi around 3am gitu aku batuk teruk dalam tido.
Perit gila batuk tuh.
Bangun kejap pakai inhaler, then sambung tido.
Bangun pagi nak mandi tuh, makin teruk.
Siap sampai nangis-nangis and muntah-muntah.
Ingatkan kejap ajer.
Sekarang tengah menaip nih, tekak berasa perit and panas.
Rasa pahit pun ye.
And aku tengah control diri daripada bercakap dekat office, kecuali bila perlu.
Suara pun dah mula sexy macam Ella.
So, menjawab aku dicop moody and sombong today kot.
Aku taknak batuk lagi.
Nanti amik masa sampai 3 minggu nak baik.
Aku kalau dah batuk nih, bukan sebarang.
Teruk sangat sampai takleyh control bladder.
Sampai nangis-nangis.
Sampai kahak pun ada darah.
Worst, aku alergik to most antibiotik.
So, solution dia, minum banyak air.
Hoiihh.
Tadi dah nak chow tetiba panjang lagi cerita.
Ok lah.
Nak buat bodo kat opis dulu.
Aku benci bila takda kerja nak dibuat.
Penat menunggu.
Haihhh.
Banyak kerja kang sakit hati jugak, tapi at least masa aku terisi. Kan?
Byeee.
**A trust means EVERYTHING, but once it's broken, sorry means NOTHING**
Maksudnya, aku mesti tanpa sedar dah sebut something tuh salah.
Lepas orang yang bertanya tuh tegur and gelak, baru aku perasan.
Ada aku mention dalam FB semalam and few days back.
Contoh paling ketara and bodoh adalah :
Situasi 1
Orang : Eyh Ain, siapa nyanyi lagu nih eyh? *referring to lagu "Lelaki Seperti Aku" on the radio"
Aku: Ohhhhhh, AZIZ Sattar! Best kan walaupun lirik entah apa-apa. *confident*
Orang : AZIZ Sattar? Eh? Hahahahahahahaha. Biar betul? *gelak guling-guling*
Aku: Alamak, ALIF Satar lahhhh. *blushing sambil gelak cover malu*
Situasi 2
Aku : Eyh, ASK 2011 hari tuh, Sanggul BELACAN macam menang banyak. Nak tengok lah that movie. Macam best. *confident*
Adik : Sanggul BELACAN? Eyh, Sanggul BERACUN lah!!!! hahahahahah *gelak tanpa henti*
Aunty : hahahahahhahahahahahaha *tumpang gelak*
Aku : haaaa haaaa, cerita tuh lahhh! *gelak skali nak cover malu*
And Aunty aku masa tuh adalah tengah driving dalam keadaan laju on our way to Sibu.
Dia gelak macam apa jer.
-_-"
Tahap malu aku dah tak payah susah-susah nak ukur.
Dah tak dapat nak diukur.
Nasib bukan depan boipren ke apa kan?
Eeeeeee.
Suka tau memalukan diri aku nih.
Nih lah satu perangai aku yang aku tak boleh nak kawal ok.
Aku rasa orang paling selalu sedar and gelakkan aku adalah Amira, coursemate aku.
Serious, minah tuh selalu gelakkan aku ok.
Sabar jer lah aku -_-"
Eyh, rindu pulak kat semua coursemates aku, especially the girls.
Huuuuuuwww.
Oklah.
Nak cakap tuh aje.
Aku kan gedik sampai cerita macam nih pun nak bagi tau.
Eyh, suka hati lah kan.
Blog aku *typical statement*
Malam tadi around 3am gitu aku batuk teruk dalam tido.
Perit gila batuk tuh.
Bangun kejap pakai inhaler, then sambung tido.
Bangun pagi nak mandi tuh, makin teruk.
Siap sampai nangis-nangis and muntah-muntah.
Ingatkan kejap ajer.
Sekarang tengah menaip nih, tekak berasa perit and panas.
Rasa pahit pun ye.
And aku tengah control diri daripada bercakap dekat office, kecuali bila perlu.
Suara pun dah mula sexy macam Ella.
So, menjawab aku dicop moody and sombong today kot.
Aku taknak batuk lagi.
Nanti amik masa sampai 3 minggu nak baik.
Aku kalau dah batuk nih, bukan sebarang.
Teruk sangat sampai takleyh control bladder.
Sampai nangis-nangis.
Sampai kahak pun ada darah.
Worst, aku alergik to most antibiotik.
So, solution dia, minum banyak air.
Hoiihh.
Tadi dah nak chow tetiba panjang lagi cerita.
Ok lah.
Nak buat bodo kat opis dulu.
Aku benci bila takda kerja nak dibuat.
Penat menunggu.
Haihhh.
Banyak kerja kang sakit hati jugak, tapi at least masa aku terisi. Kan?
Byeee.
**A trust means EVERYTHING, but once it's broken, sorry means NOTHING**
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Eh?
Toasted baguettes with garlic spread, and a cup of cream of mushroom for dipping.
Yeah, that was my dinner just now. And a glass of milk.
Having late dinners lately 'cause too tired to eat, 'cause I reached home at around 6pm-ish, every single day.
So instead of having heavy meals, I have to switch my eating plan.
Hmmmmm.
Rasanya makanan macam nih jer kot aku rasa boleh isi perut.
Dan jugak tak berapa nak berat.
Kan?
Any advice?
Except that I have to reduce the number of baguettes there.
That, I will surely do.
Maybe alternately kan?
Pisang pun ok kan?
Ish, duduk rumah nih asyik naik jer berat.
Turun pun kejap je yooo.
Kena disiplin lebih.
Huhuhuhu.
Plus, more exercise.
Sejak tinggalkan zaman belajar nih, rasa stamina makin kurang.
Dulu masa student, masa kat UKM, berjalan kaki jauh-jauh dari fakulti ke BYS tuh hari-hari, ulang alik pun takda problem tau. Siap brisk walking lagi, sekejapan dah sampai.
Sekarang suruh jalan kaki jauh sikit pun dah mengeluh.
Eeeeee.
Rutin makan dah ubah dah.
Takda skip meal.
Tak skip breakfast yang pentingnya.
Makan pun ala kadar jer.
Cuma kena control snacking tuh.
I mean jenis snack tuh kena tukar lagi.
And exercise.
Hoihhhhh!
Pemalas yarabbi nak exercise.
Paling rajin pun jalan kaki.
Lama tak rasa berpeluh lencun.
Lepas berpeluh lencun tuh rasa sungguh lega.
Kan?
Swimming pun aku tak start-start lagi.
Apakah susah mencari swimming suit hat lengan panjang (shirt only) yang bersaiz besar?
Seluar ada dah.
Shirt jer lom jumpa yang sesuai.
Nak beli yang burqinni tuh, ya ampun, mahal nauzubillah.
Dahlah tak banyak size and design.
Ini diskriminasi terhadap wanita bersaiz comel ok *marah*
Padahal diri yang salah sebab gemuk sangat.
Anyways,
bulan November nih insyaAllah banyak yang baik aku nak buat.
Perubahan here and there.
Mudahan dikuatkan semangat :)
Oklah.
Time minum susu.
Seram sekarang asyik dengar masalah tulang wanita tuh.
Mudah rapuh lah apa lah.
Nasib baik lah aku dah mula suka minum susu tepung.
Pendek kata, susu yang tak manis.
Dulu, susu macam tuh aku geli sangat.
Nak yang ada rasa manis ajer aka susu pekat tuh.
Daaaaaa :D
**cuak lah nak blaja driving nih. grrrr**
Monday, November 7, 2011
Off Aidiladha
Aidiladha kali nih tak semeriah dulu.
Maybe sebab Nenek tenat.
Celebrate macam biasa
Kumpul sesama family.
Makan ramai-ramai.
Makan tak henti pagi ke malam.
And of course, bergilir-gilir menjaga Nenek.
Kalau before nih dia terlantar tenat, tapi boleh lagi bercakap and request itu ini,
tapi sekarang dia dah tak boleh bercakap sangat.
Bukan tak boleh, tak larat.
Dia selalu cuba cakap, tapi our bad, kitorang tak dapat tangkap apa dia nak cakap.
She's too weak.
Dulu boleh lagi makan.
Sekarang dah tak dapat nak makan.
Minum jer.
Dia refuse untuk makan.
So, last Friday, dia kena hypo.
So weak she barely can open her eyes.
Menggelabah semua ha sebab dok kejut, dok goyang2 badan dia pun tak bangun.
Then dorang try gerakkan sikit her right shoulder, baru dia bangun, sebab sakit.
And aku bertolak dari Kuching ke Sibu hari Sabtu lepas, awal pagi pukul 6am.
Sampai Sibu around 12pm gitu.
Sampai-sampai jer masa salam Nenek tuh,
Ya Allah, badan dia panas melampau. Dia demam.
Masa tuh dorang bagi tau yang malam before tuh dia tak sedar.
Sebab since Khamis dia taknak makan and Jumaat tuh dia dah tak boleh bercakap.
So seharian Sabtu tuh aku lap-lap badan dia,
tekap dahi, tangan kaki dia dengan tuala basah.
Memang panas gila.
Berjam-jam aku buat semua tuh sebab nak cool her down.
Last resort, bagi dia panadol syrup budak-budak punya tuh.
Sejam lepas tuh baru dia ok ckit.
Kurang sikit, then letak Kool Fever,
dia pun tidur, tapi tak lena.
Malam tuh aku berjaga.
Tengok-tengokkan dia sebab dari siang bawak ke malam resah gelisah dia tuh.
Kejap-kejap dia bukak mata, tengok keliling.
Dari siang sampai ke malam.
And malam tuh masa aku jaga dia,
dia asyiklah bangun dua tiga kali.
Bangun macam orang tak mengantuk tuh.
Cuba bercakap something tapi aku tak dapat tangkap.
Dia tengokkkkk jer aku.
Mata dia tuh, sedih aku tengok.
Tapi lama-lama aku perasan, dia tengok arah aku, tapi bukan macam tengok aku.
Paham tak?
Siang tuh masa dia demam, dia ada panggil nama 2 orang.
Uma dan Ani.
Uma tuh adik dia, Nek Usu aku.
Ani pulak kakak dia, Nek Wa aku.
Dua-dua tuh dah meninggal.
Siang tuh memang dia duk panggil-panggil lah Nek Usu aku tuh macam Nek Usu aku ada kat situ pulak.
Udak aku cakap dia memang dari hari-hari sebelum tuh dia duk panggil Nek Usu aku.
Sebab dia rapat dengan Nek Usu aku tuh.
And malam tuh pulak, dia panggil lagi Ani.
Kak Ani lah.
Masa tuh aku berdiri sebelah katil dia, sebab nak betulkan oxygen tube dia tuh.
Biasanya aku duduk sebelah kanan dia, and kalau nak betulkan oxygen tube tuh aku kena amik position belah kiri dia.
So masa aku nak betulkan tuh, aku berdiri sebelah dia.
Elok jer aku baru nak betulkan, dia tengok aku.
Mata penuh kesian aku tengok.
Tetiba dia panggil aku Ani.
Maksud aku tengok ke arah aku and panggil aku Ani.
Memang confirm meremang lah segala bulu yang ada.
Sebab dia tengok aku tapi aku boleh nampak dalam mata dia macam dia takda dah dekat situ.
Macam pandangan kosong ke arah aku.
Orang cakap, bila seseorang tuh tenat sangat, roh-roh arwah saudara yang rapat akan datang ziarah.
Sama ada dalam mimpi atau dia dapat tengok in real.
And malam tuh aku baru perasan.
Tiap-tiap tengah malam, maksud aku pukul 12am ke atas jer, mesti Nenek akan bangun. *sepanjang aku pernah jaga dia malam2*
And mesti dia macam resah, or bercakap-cakap dalam tidur yang memang aku tak paham.
Tapi malam tuh dia duk panggil Ani ke arah aku tuh memang aku static berdiri kat ctuh jer sebab gelabah.
Lepas tuh aku macam cuba biasakan diri.
Yelah kalau betul dia nampak Nek Wa aku, buat apa aku nak seram melebih kan. Nenek sendiri jugak.
So aku pun biarkan jer dia bercakap-cakap.
Tapi kalau nampak dia sedih, aku cakap kat dia, tidur jer dulu.
Tak lama lepas tuh, dia panggil Bi pulak.
Aku tak tau siapa Bi.
Tapi dia panggil Bi.
Yang nih lagi aku takut.
Sebab adalah dalam 10mins or lebih dia dok panggil Bi.
Masa tuh dia bangun.
Celik.
Sambil tangan kiri dia melambai-lambai ke arah belah kiri katil dia tuh macam panggil orang.
Dia dok panggil macam kita panggil kawan-kawan kita dari jauh yang tak dengar kita panggil tuh.
Kalau kita panggil kawan seberang jalan ke, mesti kita macam panggil kuat-kuat sambil lambai kan?
Gitulah dia.
Macam nih lah "Biiii, ooooooooooooooo Biii. Biiiii. Biiiiiii. Biiii oooooo Biiii"
Sambil lambai-lambai.
Tak ke cuak aku yang duk belah kanan katil tuh sambil tengok arah kiri katil yang tak ada apa-apa cuma dressing table dengan cermin sebesar gajah.
Memang aku cuak. Sambil aku tengok sekeliling.
Huhuhuhuhu
Tapi lama-lama tuh aku kuatkan hati.
Aku doa jer lah.
Kalau betul dorang datang ziarah, kalau dengan mimpi arwah tuh Nenek boleh tidur and lupakan kesakitan dia sekejap, biarlah.
Hmmmmmm.
Esoknya aku tanya Udak siapa Bi.
Udak aku cakap, ibu mertua Nenek.
Udak panggil Nek Haji Ubi.
Kira moyang aku lah.
Emmmm.
Oh, before tuh, around after Isyak tuh, mak tukar urine catheter Nenek, lepas dah bagi dia mandi semua kan.
Aku tak boleh tengok ok.
Tak dapat. Tak sanggup.
Tapi aku kuatkan jugak semangat.
Yelah, aunty, uncle and cousin aku yang lain semua jenis tak dapat tengok yang macam tuh, so terpaksa aku kuatkan hati.
Kalau tak, sapa pulak yang nak pegang tangan Nenek masa Mak masukkan catheter tuh kan.
Kesian Nenek.
Kesakitan dia tuh masa masukkan tuh, sampai menangis dia. Kuat gila dia genggam tangan aku.
Aku tak dapat tengok.
Adik aku yang bongsu tuh muka rilek gila tolong Mak aku tukar.
Siap tanya macam-macam soalan lagi.
Macam budak medic baru belajar procedure tuh ok.
Aku pulak tengok muka nenek aku sambil usap kepala dia jer.
Tak mampu aku nak tengok Mak aku tukar tuh.
Adik aku dah tau macam-macam term ok untuk handle orang sakit nih.
Mak aku sebut jer nak apa, adik aku amik terus dari dalam beg supply tuh ha.
Dressing kit, apa perlu dibuat, semua adik aku tau.
Tinggal tak buat procedure jer.
Aku?
Melopong jer.
Tsk tsk tsk.
Kalau dengan mengadap Illahi adalah cara untuk Nenek aku berhenti terseksa, aku redha.
Tapi kalau belum ajalnya, akan aku sama-sama menjaga dia macam dia jaga aku masa aku baby dulu.
She's the only Nenek I ever have.
Belah ayah dah takda masa aku lahir.
So aku dapat kasih sayang Nenek dari dia jer.
Ya Allah, kau permudahkanlah urusannya. Amin.
*terlajak pulak. esok confirm liat nak pergi kerja*
Maybe sebab Nenek tenat.
Celebrate macam biasa
Kumpul sesama family.
Makan ramai-ramai.
Makan tak henti pagi ke malam.
And of course, bergilir-gilir menjaga Nenek.
Kalau before nih dia terlantar tenat, tapi boleh lagi bercakap and request itu ini,
tapi sekarang dia dah tak boleh bercakap sangat.
Bukan tak boleh, tak larat.
Dia selalu cuba cakap, tapi our bad, kitorang tak dapat tangkap apa dia nak cakap.
She's too weak.
Dulu boleh lagi makan.
Sekarang dah tak dapat nak makan.
Minum jer.
Dia refuse untuk makan.
So, last Friday, dia kena hypo.
So weak she barely can open her eyes.
Menggelabah semua ha sebab dok kejut, dok goyang2 badan dia pun tak bangun.
Then dorang try gerakkan sikit her right shoulder, baru dia bangun, sebab sakit.
And aku bertolak dari Kuching ke Sibu hari Sabtu lepas, awal pagi pukul 6am.
Sampai Sibu around 12pm gitu.
Sampai-sampai jer masa salam Nenek tuh,
Ya Allah, badan dia panas melampau. Dia demam.
Masa tuh dorang bagi tau yang malam before tuh dia tak sedar.
Sebab since Khamis dia taknak makan and Jumaat tuh dia dah tak boleh bercakap.
So seharian Sabtu tuh aku lap-lap badan dia,
tekap dahi, tangan kaki dia dengan tuala basah.
Memang panas gila.
Berjam-jam aku buat semua tuh sebab nak cool her down.
Last resort, bagi dia panadol syrup budak-budak punya tuh.
Sejam lepas tuh baru dia ok ckit.
Kurang sikit, then letak Kool Fever,
dia pun tidur, tapi tak lena.
Malam tuh aku berjaga.
Tengok-tengokkan dia sebab dari siang bawak ke malam resah gelisah dia tuh.
Kejap-kejap dia bukak mata, tengok keliling.
Dari siang sampai ke malam.
And malam tuh masa aku jaga dia,
dia asyiklah bangun dua tiga kali.
Bangun macam orang tak mengantuk tuh.
Cuba bercakap something tapi aku tak dapat tangkap.
Dia tengokkkkk jer aku.
Mata dia tuh, sedih aku tengok.
Tapi lama-lama aku perasan, dia tengok arah aku, tapi bukan macam tengok aku.
Paham tak?
Siang tuh masa dia demam, dia ada panggil nama 2 orang.
Uma dan Ani.
Uma tuh adik dia, Nek Usu aku.
Ani pulak kakak dia, Nek Wa aku.
Dua-dua tuh dah meninggal.
Siang tuh memang dia duk panggil-panggil lah Nek Usu aku tuh macam Nek Usu aku ada kat situ pulak.
Udak aku cakap dia memang dari hari-hari sebelum tuh dia duk panggil Nek Usu aku.
Sebab dia rapat dengan Nek Usu aku tuh.
And malam tuh pulak, dia panggil lagi Ani.
Kak Ani lah.
Masa tuh aku berdiri sebelah katil dia, sebab nak betulkan oxygen tube dia tuh.
Biasanya aku duduk sebelah kanan dia, and kalau nak betulkan oxygen tube tuh aku kena amik position belah kiri dia.
So masa aku nak betulkan tuh, aku berdiri sebelah dia.
Elok jer aku baru nak betulkan, dia tengok aku.
Mata penuh kesian aku tengok.
Tetiba dia panggil aku Ani.
Maksud aku tengok ke arah aku and panggil aku Ani.
Memang confirm meremang lah segala bulu yang ada.
Sebab dia tengok aku tapi aku boleh nampak dalam mata dia macam dia takda dah dekat situ.
Macam pandangan kosong ke arah aku.
Orang cakap, bila seseorang tuh tenat sangat, roh-roh arwah saudara yang rapat akan datang ziarah.
Sama ada dalam mimpi atau dia dapat tengok in real.
And malam tuh aku baru perasan.
Tiap-tiap tengah malam, maksud aku pukul 12am ke atas jer, mesti Nenek akan bangun. *sepanjang aku pernah jaga dia malam2*
And mesti dia macam resah, or bercakap-cakap dalam tidur yang memang aku tak paham.
Tapi malam tuh dia duk panggil Ani ke arah aku tuh memang aku static berdiri kat ctuh jer sebab gelabah.
Lepas tuh aku macam cuba biasakan diri.
Yelah kalau betul dia nampak Nek Wa aku, buat apa aku nak seram melebih kan. Nenek sendiri jugak.
So aku pun biarkan jer dia bercakap-cakap.
Tapi kalau nampak dia sedih, aku cakap kat dia, tidur jer dulu.
Tak lama lepas tuh, dia panggil Bi pulak.
Aku tak tau siapa Bi.
Tapi dia panggil Bi.
Yang nih lagi aku takut.
Sebab adalah dalam 10mins or lebih dia dok panggil Bi.
Masa tuh dia bangun.
Celik.
Sambil tangan kiri dia melambai-lambai ke arah belah kiri katil dia tuh macam panggil orang.
Dia dok panggil macam kita panggil kawan-kawan kita dari jauh yang tak dengar kita panggil tuh.
Kalau kita panggil kawan seberang jalan ke, mesti kita macam panggil kuat-kuat sambil lambai kan?
Gitulah dia.
Macam nih lah "Biiii, ooooooooooooooo Biii. Biiiii. Biiiiiii. Biiii oooooo Biiii"
Sambil lambai-lambai.
Tak ke cuak aku yang duk belah kanan katil tuh sambil tengok arah kiri katil yang tak ada apa-apa cuma dressing table dengan cermin sebesar gajah.
Memang aku cuak. Sambil aku tengok sekeliling.
Huhuhuhuhu
Tapi lama-lama tuh aku kuatkan hati.
Aku doa jer lah.
Kalau betul dorang datang ziarah, kalau dengan mimpi arwah tuh Nenek boleh tidur and lupakan kesakitan dia sekejap, biarlah.
Hmmmmmm.
Esoknya aku tanya Udak siapa Bi.
Udak aku cakap, ibu mertua Nenek.
Udak panggil Nek Haji Ubi.
Kira moyang aku lah.
Emmmm.
Oh, before tuh, around after Isyak tuh, mak tukar urine catheter Nenek, lepas dah bagi dia mandi semua kan.
Aku tak boleh tengok ok.
Tak dapat. Tak sanggup.
Tapi aku kuatkan jugak semangat.
Yelah, aunty, uncle and cousin aku yang lain semua jenis tak dapat tengok yang macam tuh, so terpaksa aku kuatkan hati.
Kalau tak, sapa pulak yang nak pegang tangan Nenek masa Mak masukkan catheter tuh kan.
Kesian Nenek.
Kesakitan dia tuh masa masukkan tuh, sampai menangis dia. Kuat gila dia genggam tangan aku.
Aku tak dapat tengok.
Adik aku yang bongsu tuh muka rilek gila tolong Mak aku tukar.
Siap tanya macam-macam soalan lagi.
Macam budak medic baru belajar procedure tuh ok.
Aku pulak tengok muka nenek aku sambil usap kepala dia jer.
Tak mampu aku nak tengok Mak aku tukar tuh.
Adik aku dah tau macam-macam term ok untuk handle orang sakit nih.
Mak aku sebut jer nak apa, adik aku amik terus dari dalam beg supply tuh ha.
Dressing kit, apa perlu dibuat, semua adik aku tau.
Tinggal tak buat procedure jer.
Aku?
Melopong jer.
Tsk tsk tsk.
Kalau dengan mengadap Illahi adalah cara untuk Nenek aku berhenti terseksa, aku redha.
Tapi kalau belum ajalnya, akan aku sama-sama menjaga dia macam dia jaga aku masa aku baby dulu.
She's the only Nenek I ever have.
Belah ayah dah takda masa aku lahir.
So aku dapat kasih sayang Nenek dari dia jer.
Ya Allah, kau permudahkanlah urusannya. Amin.
*terlajak pulak. esok confirm liat nak pergi kerja*
Thursday, November 3, 2011
FF
Friends and Family?
Follow Friday?
Fitness First? *ok, not funny*
Nahhhh.
How about forgive and forget?
Some things are easier said and done. But I don't think it is easier when it comes to forgetting how someone made us feel. Forgive? Yes, that's an easy part for me. But, forget? I don't think so.
It's harder even more when the same person offended me over and over again. The scars are there. You cannot just make them disappear.
People will forget what you say, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel.
So, anyways, don't worry. I do forgive you.
It's just that, I won't ever forget.
I am sorry too.
Follow Friday?
Fitness First? *ok, not funny*
Nahhhh.
How about forgive and forget?
Some things are easier said and done. But I don't think it is easier when it comes to forgetting how someone made us feel. Forgive? Yes, that's an easy part for me. But, forget? I don't think so.
It's harder even more when the same person offended me over and over again. The scars are there. You cannot just make them disappear.
People will forget what you say, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel.
So, anyways, don't worry. I do forgive you.
It's just that, I won't ever forget.
I am sorry too.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
I am no naive, not more neither less
I am blogwalking right now, and my eyes are stuck to this one blog from Lady RaRa. I keep on reading post after post from her. Then, I stumbled upon this entry which I think is very relevant to me.
Entry panjang gila ahead of you.
Why? Because I have a friend that when it comes to talking about religion, she would end up being so emo. Emo here I meant, she would disagreed on every opinions I have and would totally at last, saying things as if I am so dumb and shallow.
OMG, I mean, kalau taknak terima pendapat orang, please don't go sharing about that topic. Aku jenis yang suka share masalah dengan orang tertentu, tapi aku bukan jenis yang akan BINCANG masalah tuh sampai menjadi satu topik perdebatan. Aku cuma nak orang dengar, sekadar luahan hati, bukan mintak tolong selesaikan pun. As simple as that. Tapi ada seorang nih dia jenis sukaaaaaaaaaa sangat BINCANG masalah aku, bagi pendapat dia, and bila aku macam taknak ikut pendapat dia, terus aku kena zassssssss. Habis tuh, aku yang tadi nak share masalah jer, jadi bermasalah lain pulak. Get it? Maybe aku boleh dengar pendapat dia, cuma tak semestinya aku akan terima and ikut kan? Tak salah dengar pendapat orang walaupun tak ikut kan?
Oh takkkkkkk. Dia nih lain sikit. Semuanya kena ikut. Or at least aku kena cakap aku try ikut. AT LEAST. Kalau semua pendapat dia aku rasa boleh ikut, aku ikut lah. Kalau tak, aku directly lah akan bertanya balik apa relevant nya ikut pendapat dia. Haaaa kau. Kalau aku dah bertanya gitu, CONFIRM sangat perbualan tuh akan bertukar jadi gaduh. Sebabnya? Aku tak terima. Hehhhh!
Maybe dia rasa dia tuh lagi tua daripada aku so dia lagi banyak pengalaman hidup (konon), so apa dia cakap tuh semuanya elok untuk aku. Oh my. Semua orang pernah jadi muda. Rasa pengalaman sama. Kan? Biarkan aku buat silap, so aku belajar. Selagi aku tak buat silap, selagi tuh aku takkan belajar. Kalau sampai bila-bila orang nak cakap apa aku buat tak elok, bilanya aku nak tau apa yang paling elok? Aku kena rasa dulu lah kan kesalahan tuh so next time aku tak berani nak buat.
Oh, aku cakap macam nih bukan bererti aku boleh pergi clubbing sambil minum-minum mabuk, merokok, amik dadah, seks bebas macam takda agama. Or pergi bawak kereta laju2 sampai eksiden patah kaki masuk ICU dulu. Bukan semua tuh. Paham-paham lah benda lain macam mana. Contohnya, dapat gaji and teringin benda mahal2 sampai takda duit. Duit aku, kalau aku tak buat apa aku nak, abis aku nak buat apa kau nak? Ohhh cantikkkkkk muka! Kalau aku tak merasa pengalaman yang buat aku serik, macam mana aku nak serik. Kan? Hesh. Susah betul aku nak explain. Anyways, nih antara topik aku pernah luah kat member aku nih, then in the end aku naik bengang jugak kat dia setelah lama betul bersabar. Entry nih aku amik dari blog Lady RaRa.
Entry panjang gila ahead of you.
Why? Because I have a friend that when it comes to talking about religion, she would end up being so emo. Emo here I meant, she would disagreed on every opinions I have and would totally at last, saying things as if I am so dumb and shallow.
OMG, I mean, kalau taknak terima pendapat orang, please don't go sharing about that topic. Aku jenis yang suka share masalah dengan orang tertentu, tapi aku bukan jenis yang akan BINCANG masalah tuh sampai menjadi satu topik perdebatan. Aku cuma nak orang dengar, sekadar luahan hati, bukan mintak tolong selesaikan pun. As simple as that. Tapi ada seorang nih dia jenis sukaaaaaaaaaa sangat BINCANG masalah aku, bagi pendapat dia, and bila aku macam taknak ikut pendapat dia, terus aku kena zassssssss. Habis tuh, aku yang tadi nak share masalah jer, jadi bermasalah lain pulak. Get it? Maybe aku boleh dengar pendapat dia, cuma tak semestinya aku akan terima and ikut kan? Tak salah dengar pendapat orang walaupun tak ikut kan?
Oh takkkkkkk. Dia nih lain sikit. Semuanya kena ikut. Or at least aku kena cakap aku try ikut. AT LEAST. Kalau semua pendapat dia aku rasa boleh ikut, aku ikut lah. Kalau tak, aku directly lah akan bertanya balik apa relevant nya ikut pendapat dia. Haaaa kau. Kalau aku dah bertanya gitu, CONFIRM sangat perbualan tuh akan bertukar jadi gaduh. Sebabnya? Aku tak terima. Hehhhh!
Maybe dia rasa dia tuh lagi tua daripada aku so dia lagi banyak pengalaman hidup (konon), so apa dia cakap tuh semuanya elok untuk aku. Oh my. Semua orang pernah jadi muda. Rasa pengalaman sama. Kan? Biarkan aku buat silap, so aku belajar. Selagi aku tak buat silap, selagi tuh aku takkan belajar. Kalau sampai bila-bila orang nak cakap apa aku buat tak elok, bilanya aku nak tau apa yang paling elok? Aku kena rasa dulu lah kan kesalahan tuh so next time aku tak berani nak buat.
Oh, aku cakap macam nih bukan bererti aku boleh pergi clubbing sambil minum-minum mabuk, merokok, amik dadah, seks bebas macam takda agama. Or pergi bawak kereta laju2 sampai eksiden patah kaki masuk ICU dulu. Bukan semua tuh. Paham-paham lah benda lain macam mana. Contohnya, dapat gaji and teringin benda mahal2 sampai takda duit. Duit aku, kalau aku tak buat apa aku nak, abis aku nak buat apa kau nak? Ohhh cantikkkkkk muka! Kalau aku tak merasa pengalaman yang buat aku serik, macam mana aku nak serik. Kan? Hesh. Susah betul aku nak explain. Anyways, nih antara topik aku pernah luah kat member aku nih, then in the end aku naik bengang jugak kat dia setelah lama betul bersabar. Entry nih aku amik dari blog Lady RaRa.
we only listen to something that we want to hear
kita ni kalau bercakap apa-apa isu pun, tak kiralah bab politik, agama, budaya yang kita tau, kita nak kata pendapat kita sajalah yang betul.
pada aku ini tidak bagus.
pendapat orang bukan sama dan pendapat orang pun bukan semua salah dan pendapat kita plak bukan semua betul tapi kot mana pun kita nak orang terima pendapat kita, hujah orang kita tak mau terima dah. sebab apa? sebab kita rasa kita lebih pandai.
tak baik tu, riak namanya! kalau kita kata kita pandai, kita kena ingat, ilmu Allah bagi kat kita secoet saja. dan dengan secoet tu nak megah riak?
dan sebelum kita nak bercakap, dan meminta orang dengaq pendapat kita, ada lebih baik ilmu yang kita ada tu cukup. jangan setakat kita khatam yang permukaan saja, yang dalam kita haram tak tau, terus kita nak bercekang urat bagitau yang kita ni betul.
dah 4 kali aku type perkataan betul, ok ni yang kelima! haha!
tapi lumrah manusia ni, memang dia nak dengaq apa yang dia nak saja.
ok aku bagi contoh
kita rasa kita kena sihir, pastu kita syak seseorang, pastu kita pun pi la jumpa bomoh/dukun/pawang/ustazpenipu/ustazahpenipu nak pi menengok la kononnya. lepas tu bomoh dukun tu pun terus menipu cakap oh orang tu oh orang ni kalau terel sangat pasepa tak bagi nama terus sekali ic kan? cuma cakap oh ni orang yang baru datang dalam family, matilah kalau ada menantu baru dalam family terus tetiba dia kena, kan? tidakkah dah jadi fitnah macam tu?
kalau orang tu bukan yang kau jangkakan, mesti kau kata bomoh tu menipu
tapi kalau orang tu ialah orang yang kau syaksyak selama ni, terus kau cakap bomoh tu terel!
lepas tu, kau pun mula kukuhkan alasan untuk tuduh orang tu sihirkan kau! kukuhkan alasan supaya kau boleh benci dan buruk burukkan dia.
tapi macam mana kalau orang tu tak sihirkan kau pun? dan kau sebenarnya tak pernah kena sihir pun? sebenarnya apa yang jadi kat diri kau tu sebab kau degil, setan banyak atas kepala, bersangka buruk setiap masa lalu Tuhan bagi ujian untuk uji iman kau? nak tengok dengan sedikit dugaan, adakah kau tahan iman atau kau tak tahan lalu berbuat sesuatu perkara yang dilarang Tuhan?
ok itu contoh aku bagi
contoh kedua
kau suka PKR, kau sanjung Anwar Ibrahim, tetiba pita video sex Anwar leaked, kau tau tu Anwar, tapi kau tak mau menerima kenyataan yang Anwar dalam video, kau cakap tu superimposed! Anwar suci murni, walaupun kau bila tengok video tu kau terpikir - eh awat pipi hitam macam Anwar? - tapi sebab kau cuma nak dengar apa yang kau nak, kau pekakkan telinga, kau butakan mata.
ok aku bukan orang BN dan aku bukan orang PKR, ni aku bagi contoh saja! satgi duk mai maki aku plak! undiku ialah rahsia!
people tend to listen to something they only wanna hear!
tapi tu la kan, manusia ni, bukan maksum, pada aku orang yang macam ni ialah orang yang bongkak, degil, tak boleh menerima pendapat orang, dan
BODOH!
ya la , bodoh la tu, sebab kau ingat kau sorang saja yang betul, pendapat orang semua salah. padahal apa salahnya bukakkan hati, bukak kan akal, fikir. Tuhan pun cakap, umatnya ialah umat yang berfikir! dan fikir tu janganlah dengan nafsu setan, fikir dengan tenang, fikir dengan akal.
ni tak, mau kata orang bagi pendapat sikit, wah kat sini dah melompat nak marah! eh pendapat kau silap! kau salah! aku betul! aku ini! aku itu.
padahal kau pernah terfikir tak bila mana musibah datang kat engkau, sebenarnya adalah dari engkau sendiri? bukan dari orang laen, bukan dari dendam orang.
asma Allah yang 99 tu cuba kita teliti.
Al-Ghaffar - Maha Pengampun!
sifat ni ialah sifat Allah, so jangan takutlah kalau dosa tak terampun, sebab kalau kau mintak ampun, sudah pasti Allah ampunkan kau! pasti! tapi kau, bolehkah senang senang ampunkan orang? yes kat mulut cakap ampun, tapi hati? hahaha! itu bukan kau, tapi aku! hahah!
Al- Wahhab - Yang Pemberi Kurnia
Al - Mujib - Maha Mengabulkan
kau mintak apa pun, dia akan bagi. walaupun kau kafir, dia mesti bagi. kalau dia tak bagi, kalau dia marah ke kafir, dia dah bagi semua kafir mati awal-awal lagi, sekat rezeki sekat segala. tapi dia maha pemberi kurnia. kau cina makan babi, dia bagi rezeki, sampai kaya, beyonce dengan jay z buat itu buat ini nak rezeki lebih, siap doa lagi, dia makbulkan doa depa, kaya raya fullamek glamer satu dunia kenai walaupun depa kafir. jadi bukan hanya doa yang baik dimakbulkan, doa yang tak baik kalau dia nak, dia buleh bagi juga. dan bila dia bagi, itu ialah UJIAN bagi kita. nak tengok setakat mana kita mampu handle ujian tu.
ok satu lagi contoh aku bagi
satu hari kita dapat berita, ayah kita sedang tenat, maka sebagai anak yang soleh kita berdoa, ya Allah ya tuhanku kau selamatkanlah ayahanda ku ya Allah (itu doa yang baik kan?) tapi Allah tak makbul doa kita sebab memang dah sampai ajal bagi pihak ayah kita. dan bila doa kita Allah tak makbul, adakah sebab Allah tak sayang kita, dia ambik balik ayah kita? dan kita kata, awat aku doa yang elok tapi Tuhan tak makbul gak? tapi penah tak kita terfikir, doa kita itu tak makbul sebab pertama - ayah dah sampai ajal dan kedua - Allah nak uji kita dengan kehilangan orang yang kita sayang, nak tengok iman kita setakat mana.
satu lagi contoh
kita ialah artis ternama. kita dikenali. pastu kita kawen wedding of the year. pastu ada peminat doa yang baik baik moga panjang jodoh, ada petakminat yang doa yang buruk-buruk sebab menyampah tengok riak gila! lepas setahun, dengan izin Tuhan, jodoh kita tak panjang. apakah doa yang baik itu tak makbul dan doa yang buruk itu dimakbul?
mengapa doa buruk termakbul plak ni? pernah terfikir tak? doa buruk termakbul sebab dekat artis Tuhan nak uji, selama ni aku bagi kegembiraan apa kata aku tarik balik sikit tengok kau punya iman dan dekat petakminat yang doa tu pun Allah nak tengok, ok aku makbul doa kau ni, sebab dah kau minta, tapi lepas ni kau rasakanlah azabnya sebab minta benda yang buruk-buruk dan aku nak tengok kau nak bertaubat ka tidak!
pernah kita terfikir dak macam tu?
pernah dak? *wink*
kun fa ya kun - kalau dia kata jadi, jadilah. tak kiralah doa baik atau doa yang buruk.
ok sila brain maksud aku ni, terima dengan hati lapang. maksud aku dia makbulkan doa buruk ni, bukan sebab dia benci kita, tapi sebab dia nak uji kita.
doa yang buruk - ujian
kau ada akal, so kau brain la sendiri.
aku tak kata aku betul, tidak tidak, ini cuma pahaman aku. kalau salah abaikan
yang baik itu dari Allah, yang buruk itu dari aku.
dan oh, berbeza pendapat tak menjadikan aku musuh. aku sangat suka berkawan dengan orang yang suka berfikirsebab kita boleh tambah ilmu. cumanya aku tak suka dengan orang yang emosi dan sarcastic bila berbicara bab agama, politik dan bangsa.
Islam itu mudah, jangan disusahkan. dan kita orang Islam.
pada aku ini tidak bagus.
pendapat orang bukan sama dan pendapat orang pun bukan semua salah dan pendapat kita plak bukan semua betul tapi kot mana pun kita nak orang terima pendapat kita, hujah orang kita tak mau terima dah. sebab apa? sebab kita rasa kita lebih pandai.
tak baik tu, riak namanya! kalau kita kata kita pandai, kita kena ingat, ilmu Allah bagi kat kita secoet saja. dan dengan secoet tu nak megah riak?
dan sebelum kita nak bercakap, dan meminta orang dengaq pendapat kita, ada lebih baik ilmu yang kita ada tu cukup. jangan setakat kita khatam yang permukaan saja, yang dalam kita haram tak tau, terus kita nak bercekang urat bagitau yang kita ni betul.
dah 4 kali aku type perkataan betul, ok ni yang kelima! haha!
tapi lumrah manusia ni, memang dia nak dengaq apa yang dia nak saja.
ok aku bagi contoh
kita rasa kita kena sihir, pastu kita syak seseorang, pastu kita pun pi la jumpa bomoh/dukun/pawang/ustazpenipu/ustazahpenipu nak pi menengok la kononnya. lepas tu bomoh dukun tu pun terus menipu cakap oh orang tu oh orang ni kalau terel sangat pasepa tak bagi nama terus sekali ic kan? cuma cakap oh ni orang yang baru datang dalam family, matilah kalau ada menantu baru dalam family terus tetiba dia kena, kan? tidakkah dah jadi fitnah macam tu?
kalau orang tu bukan yang kau jangkakan, mesti kau kata bomoh tu menipu
tapi kalau orang tu ialah orang yang kau syaksyak selama ni, terus kau cakap bomoh tu terel!
lepas tu, kau pun mula kukuhkan alasan untuk tuduh orang tu sihirkan kau! kukuhkan alasan supaya kau boleh benci dan buruk burukkan dia.
tapi macam mana kalau orang tu tak sihirkan kau pun? dan kau sebenarnya tak pernah kena sihir pun? sebenarnya apa yang jadi kat diri kau tu sebab kau degil, setan banyak atas kepala, bersangka buruk setiap masa lalu Tuhan bagi ujian untuk uji iman kau? nak tengok dengan sedikit dugaan, adakah kau tahan iman atau kau tak tahan lalu berbuat sesuatu perkara yang dilarang Tuhan?
ok itu contoh aku bagi
contoh kedua
kau suka PKR, kau sanjung Anwar Ibrahim, tetiba pita video sex Anwar leaked, kau tau tu Anwar, tapi kau tak mau menerima kenyataan yang Anwar dalam video, kau cakap tu superimposed! Anwar suci murni, walaupun kau bila tengok video tu kau terpikir - eh awat pipi hitam macam Anwar? - tapi sebab kau cuma nak dengar apa yang kau nak, kau pekakkan telinga, kau butakan mata.
ok aku bukan orang BN dan aku bukan orang PKR, ni aku bagi contoh saja! satgi duk mai maki aku plak! undiku ialah rahsia!
people tend to listen to something they only wanna hear!
tapi tu la kan, manusia ni, bukan maksum, pada aku orang yang macam ni ialah orang yang bongkak, degil, tak boleh menerima pendapat orang, dan
BODOH!
ya la , bodoh la tu, sebab kau ingat kau sorang saja yang betul, pendapat orang semua salah. padahal apa salahnya bukakkan hati, bukak kan akal, fikir. Tuhan pun cakap, umatnya ialah umat yang berfikir! dan fikir tu janganlah dengan nafsu setan, fikir dengan tenang, fikir dengan akal.
ni tak, mau kata orang bagi pendapat sikit, wah kat sini dah melompat nak marah! eh pendapat kau silap! kau salah! aku betul! aku ini! aku itu.
padahal kau pernah terfikir tak bila mana musibah datang kat engkau, sebenarnya adalah dari engkau sendiri? bukan dari orang laen, bukan dari dendam orang.
asma Allah yang 99 tu cuba kita teliti.
Al-Ghaffar - Maha Pengampun!
sifat ni ialah sifat Allah, so jangan takutlah kalau dosa tak terampun, sebab kalau kau mintak ampun, sudah pasti Allah ampunkan kau! pasti! tapi kau, bolehkah senang senang ampunkan orang? yes kat mulut cakap ampun, tapi hati? hahaha! itu bukan kau, tapi aku! hahah!
Al- Wahhab - Yang Pemberi Kurnia
Al - Mujib - Maha Mengabulkan
kau mintak apa pun, dia akan bagi. walaupun kau kafir, dia mesti bagi. kalau dia tak bagi, kalau dia marah ke kafir, dia dah bagi semua kafir mati awal-awal lagi, sekat rezeki sekat segala. tapi dia maha pemberi kurnia. kau cina makan babi, dia bagi rezeki, sampai kaya, beyonce dengan jay z buat itu buat ini nak rezeki lebih, siap doa lagi, dia makbulkan doa depa, kaya raya fullamek glamer satu dunia kenai walaupun depa kafir. jadi bukan hanya doa yang baik dimakbulkan, doa yang tak baik kalau dia nak, dia buleh bagi juga. dan bila dia bagi, itu ialah UJIAN bagi kita. nak tengok setakat mana kita mampu handle ujian tu.
ok satu lagi contoh aku bagi
satu hari kita dapat berita, ayah kita sedang tenat, maka sebagai anak yang soleh kita berdoa, ya Allah ya tuhanku kau selamatkanlah ayahanda ku ya Allah (itu doa yang baik kan?) tapi Allah tak makbul doa kita sebab memang dah sampai ajal bagi pihak ayah kita. dan bila doa kita Allah tak makbul, adakah sebab Allah tak sayang kita, dia ambik balik ayah kita? dan kita kata, awat aku doa yang elok tapi Tuhan tak makbul gak? tapi penah tak kita terfikir, doa kita itu tak makbul sebab pertama - ayah dah sampai ajal dan kedua - Allah nak uji kita dengan kehilangan orang yang kita sayang, nak tengok iman kita setakat mana.
satu lagi contoh
kita ialah artis ternama. kita dikenali. pastu kita kawen wedding of the year. pastu ada peminat doa yang baik baik moga panjang jodoh, ada petakminat yang doa yang buruk-buruk sebab menyampah tengok riak gila! lepas setahun, dengan izin Tuhan, jodoh kita tak panjang. apakah doa yang baik itu tak makbul dan doa yang buruk itu dimakbul?
mengapa doa buruk termakbul plak ni? pernah terfikir tak? doa buruk termakbul sebab dekat artis Tuhan nak uji, selama ni aku bagi kegembiraan apa kata aku tarik balik sikit tengok kau punya iman dan dekat petakminat yang doa tu pun Allah nak tengok, ok aku makbul doa kau ni, sebab dah kau minta, tapi lepas ni kau rasakanlah azabnya sebab minta benda yang buruk-buruk dan aku nak tengok kau nak bertaubat ka tidak!
pernah kita terfikir dak macam tu?
pernah dak? *wink*
kun fa ya kun - kalau dia kata jadi, jadilah. tak kiralah doa baik atau doa yang buruk.
ok sila brain maksud aku ni, terima dengan hati lapang. maksud aku dia makbulkan doa buruk ni, bukan sebab dia benci kita, tapi sebab dia nak uji kita.
doa yang buruk - ujian
kau ada akal, so kau brain la sendiri.
aku tak kata aku betul, tidak tidak, ini cuma pahaman aku. kalau salah abaikan
yang baik itu dari Allah, yang buruk itu dari aku.
dan oh, berbeza pendapat tak menjadikan aku musuh. aku sangat suka berkawan dengan orang yang suka berfikirsebab kita boleh tambah ilmu. cumanya aku tak suka dengan orang yang emosi dan sarcastic bila berbicara bab agama, politik dan bangsa.
Islam itu mudah, jangan disusahkan. dan kita orang Islam.
A Grown Up Joke -_-"
Having not able to go to work because of sickness, is a totally different feeling from what I felt when I was a student. Have you ever felt like that?
I have been working for only 3 months. Ok, it's not a real working experience since I am only attached to my current agency for a program for graduates, but yeah, I would prefer to call it working.
So, today is my first day off working because of sickness. Having diarrhea, vomiting and stuff since 4 am, and woke up at 12pm, feeling so weak and a massive headache, yep, I am definitely stranded at home.
When I was a student, to not be able to attend classes because of sickness was something, ermm, something not to worry about. All I had to do was, went to the panel doctor, had some consultations, brought home different types of meds, and resting. Classes were the least important things and for sure the last thing I have had to worry about, because I know I can rely on my friends for that. Plus, as long as I performed in class, absenteeism is nothing.
But when I have to stay home, feeling all weak like this, had to call my superior some more, to inform her, that was something I really hate about. I never imagine this is the feeling to not be able to go to work. I mean, I feel guilty to spend my sick leave, and even feel so useless, like I am a kind of disappointment. Is this how I am supposed to react? As if I love my job so much that I feel guilty for not showing up? Hell, I don't love my job, yet. I always feel like sitting at home doing nothing instead.
I have never imagine I would feel this guilty for not showing up for work. Hmmmph.
So, welcome to the real world Ain. Congratulations, you have grown up -_-"
I have been working for only 3 months. Ok, it's not a real working experience since I am only attached to my current agency for a program for graduates, but yeah, I would prefer to call it working.
So, today is my first day off working because of sickness. Having diarrhea, vomiting and stuff since 4 am, and woke up at 12pm, feeling so weak and a massive headache, yep, I am definitely stranded at home.
When I was a student, to not be able to attend classes because of sickness was something, ermm, something not to worry about. All I had to do was, went to the panel doctor, had some consultations, brought home different types of meds, and resting. Classes were the least important things and for sure the last thing I have had to worry about, because I know I can rely on my friends for that. Plus, as long as I performed in class, absenteeism is nothing.
But when I have to stay home, feeling all weak like this, had to call my superior some more, to inform her, that was something I really hate about. I never imagine this is the feeling to not be able to go to work. I mean, I feel guilty to spend my sick leave, and even feel so useless, like I am a kind of disappointment. Is this how I am supposed to react? As if I love my job so much that I feel guilty for not showing up? Hell, I don't love my job, yet. I always feel like sitting at home doing nothing instead.
I have never imagine I would feel this guilty for not showing up for work. Hmmmph.
So, welcome to the real world Ain. Congratulations, you have grown up -_-"
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Someone Like You
By Adele
I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light
I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hope you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised in a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days
I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hope you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah
Nothing compares, no worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
**a random post only. my favourite song so far*
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Hidup tak selalunya senang.
Tak semua benda mudah diterima.
Tak semua benda harus diterima.
Tapi tak semua benda boleh ditolak sebulatnya.
Kadang-kadang, apa yang kita tak suka, tak semestinya tak elok untuk orang lain.
Cuma setiap manusia ada pilihan dan cita rasa sendiri.
Tak salah berangan.
Cuma kena kembali ke realiti.
Dan janganlah punahkan angan-angan orang.
Hanya sebab kita tak rasa angan-angan tuh boleh jadi realiti.
Kita pun tak nak orang pandang serong angan-angan kita.
Kita tak sempurna.
Tiada manusia yang sempurna.
Belajar terima orang lain.
Kerana akhirnya nanti, orang yang kita selalu tak endahkan, mungkin akan membantu kita.
Sayangi orang lain, sebagaimana kita mahu disayangi.
Terima orang lain sebagaimana kita mahu orang menerima kita.
Cuba faham orang lain, sebagaimana kita mahu orang memahami kita.
Tiada siapa mahu berseorangan.
Sentiasa terima kelemahan orang yang kita sayangi.
Aku menyanyangi sesiapa sahaja yang menyayagi aku.
Aku cuba bersabar dengan sesiapa sahaja selagi diriku boleh bertahan.
Aku cuba memahami selagi perlu.
Aku cuba menerima apa sahaja kelemahan.
Aku cuma minta perkara yang sama.
Aku bukan mainan.
Yang kau cari ketika bosan, ketika susah, ketika tiada yang lain.
Yang kau buang bila tak diperlukan
Manusia memang sentiasa berubah.
**just a random post**
Tak semua benda mudah diterima.
Tak semua benda harus diterima.
Tapi tak semua benda boleh ditolak sebulatnya.
Kadang-kadang, apa yang kita tak suka, tak semestinya tak elok untuk orang lain.
Cuma setiap manusia ada pilihan dan cita rasa sendiri.
Tak salah berangan.
Cuma kena kembali ke realiti.
Dan janganlah punahkan angan-angan orang.
Hanya sebab kita tak rasa angan-angan tuh boleh jadi realiti.
Kita pun tak nak orang pandang serong angan-angan kita.
Kita tak sempurna.
Tiada manusia yang sempurna.
Belajar terima orang lain.
Kerana akhirnya nanti, orang yang kita selalu tak endahkan, mungkin akan membantu kita.
Sayangi orang lain, sebagaimana kita mahu disayangi.
Terima orang lain sebagaimana kita mahu orang menerima kita.
Cuba faham orang lain, sebagaimana kita mahu orang memahami kita.
Tiada siapa mahu berseorangan.
Sentiasa terima kelemahan orang yang kita sayangi.
Aku menyanyangi sesiapa sahaja yang menyayagi aku.
Aku cuba bersabar dengan sesiapa sahaja selagi diriku boleh bertahan.
Aku cuba memahami selagi perlu.
Aku cuba menerima apa sahaja kelemahan.
Aku cuma minta perkara yang sama.
Aku bukan mainan.
Yang kau cari ketika bosan, ketika susah, ketika tiada yang lain.
Yang kau buang bila tak diperlukan
Manusia memang sentiasa berubah.
**just a random post**
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
The beginning that ends
Aku rasa aku nih jarang betul nak rasa meluat dengan someone sampaikan tengok nma dia pun naik menyampah.
Except, ada certain people tuh lah.
Yang tuh memang tak boleh nak diselamatkan lagi.
And aku rasa akan ada lagi sorang yang akan masuk list tuh.
Aku dah lama bersabar.
Layan baik-baik.
Dia layan aku nih suka hati dia pun aku bersabar lagi.
Sebab aku hormat dia lagi.
Sebab aku masih dapat faham keadaan dia.
Maybe sebab terlampau busy ke apa kan.
Tapi sebaik-baik aku nih pun, bukanlah alasan dia nak judge aku suka hati.
Bukan alasan dia nak buat assumption itu ini.
Aku tak pernah pun nak bebel kat dia cakap dia tuh membuang masa aku.
Kejap ada, kejap hilang.
Time takda kawan lain, carik aku.
Time ada kawan lain, aku nih tak dihiraukan pun.
And bila dia carik aku balik, aku tak banyak komen pun.
Aku layan jer baik-baik.
But then, bila aku cuba nak fahamkan sesuata yang dia bagi tau,
bila aku cuba nak digest semua yang mungkin aku baru tau,
tiba-tiba pulak dia cakap buang masa explain dengan orang macam aku.
WTH?
Selama nih dia cuba nak faham sesuatu,
sungguh-sungguh aku explain.
Panjang-panjang explaination aku.
Takda pulak aku cakap kat muka dia yang buang masa nak fahamkan dia.
Ohhh, selama nih kau rasa buang masa lah nak fahamkan aku?
Kalau dah macam tuh, kenapa kau timbulkan topik tuh?
Kenapa kau nak lagi contact orang macam aku?
Aku pelik lah orang macam nih.
Kejap kata aku jer yang paham bla bla bla.
Kejap lagi kata yang buruk-buruk pasal aku.
Apa yang dia nak ye?
Baik tak payah lah dia susah-susah nak contact aku dah kalau akhirnya buat bolayan jer.
Aku, in other hands, aku layan baik-baik jer.
Tuh masalah aku tuh, baik sangat ngan orang yang jahat ngan aku pun.
Aku benci bila orang layan aku macam aku nih tak penting.
Aku tak buat orang macam tuh, so janganlah buat aku macam tuh.
Tapi aku rasa, dia memang macam tuh.
As if semua yang dia cakap aku kena ikut and terima.
Kalau aku bertanya lebih, mulalah melenting.
Mulalah cakap aku itu aku ini.
Haihhhhh.
Kalau kau setakat nak ambik kesempatan atas kebaikan and kesabaran aku,
baik kau pergi tempat lain.
Aku bukan tempat untuk kau berteduh bila kau tak ada orang lain.
Aku bukan barang untuk kau guna bila perlu je.
Aku ada hati.
Aku ada perasaan.
And aku semestinya bukan punching bag kau, or siapa-siapa jer.
Silalah try jaga hati orang.
Sila try faham perasaan orang.
Aku pernah cakap, jangan sampai aku meluat and menyampah.
Sekarang kau dah mula buat aku meluat.
Terlampau banyak kau sakitkan hati aku.
Aku tak tau apa masalahnya.
Aku buat baik pun kau layan macam sampah jugak akhirnya.
Apetah lagi kalau aku buat bodoh, lagi kau layan macam tak wujud.
Haihhhh.
Aku ingatkan kau muncul balik kali nih, kau dah berubah.
Jadi lebih mesra and baik and memahami.
Kau cakap konon nak jadi macam dulu. tapi...
What should I do?
Forget you totally? As if kita tak pernah berkawan?
I guess so.
Then, take care.
Aku tau kau akan baca entry nih eventually.
Aku malas nak cakap direct sebab kau memang tak makan saman.
Thanks lah ye untuk apa-apa jer.
Take care.
Except, ada certain people tuh lah.
Yang tuh memang tak boleh nak diselamatkan lagi.
And aku rasa akan ada lagi sorang yang akan masuk list tuh.
Aku dah lama bersabar.
Layan baik-baik.
Dia layan aku nih suka hati dia pun aku bersabar lagi.
Sebab aku hormat dia lagi.
Sebab aku masih dapat faham keadaan dia.
Maybe sebab terlampau busy ke apa kan.
Tapi sebaik-baik aku nih pun, bukanlah alasan dia nak judge aku suka hati.
Bukan alasan dia nak buat assumption itu ini.
Aku tak pernah pun nak bebel kat dia cakap dia tuh membuang masa aku.
Kejap ada, kejap hilang.
Time takda kawan lain, carik aku.
Time ada kawan lain, aku nih tak dihiraukan pun.
And bila dia carik aku balik, aku tak banyak komen pun.
Aku layan jer baik-baik.
But then, bila aku cuba nak fahamkan sesuata yang dia bagi tau,
bila aku cuba nak digest semua yang mungkin aku baru tau,
tiba-tiba pulak dia cakap buang masa explain dengan orang macam aku.
WTH?
Selama nih dia cuba nak faham sesuatu,
sungguh-sungguh aku explain.
Panjang-panjang explaination aku.
Takda pulak aku cakap kat muka dia yang buang masa nak fahamkan dia.
Ohhh, selama nih kau rasa buang masa lah nak fahamkan aku?
Kalau dah macam tuh, kenapa kau timbulkan topik tuh?
Kenapa kau nak lagi contact orang macam aku?
Aku pelik lah orang macam nih.
Kejap kata aku jer yang paham bla bla bla.
Kejap lagi kata yang buruk-buruk pasal aku.
Apa yang dia nak ye?
Baik tak payah lah dia susah-susah nak contact aku dah kalau akhirnya buat bolayan jer.
Aku, in other hands, aku layan baik-baik jer.
Tuh masalah aku tuh, baik sangat ngan orang yang jahat ngan aku pun.
Aku benci bila orang layan aku macam aku nih tak penting.
Aku tak buat orang macam tuh, so janganlah buat aku macam tuh.
Tapi aku rasa, dia memang macam tuh.
As if semua yang dia cakap aku kena ikut and terima.
Kalau aku bertanya lebih, mulalah melenting.
Mulalah cakap aku itu aku ini.
Haihhhhh.
Kalau kau setakat nak ambik kesempatan atas kebaikan and kesabaran aku,
baik kau pergi tempat lain.
Aku bukan tempat untuk kau berteduh bila kau tak ada orang lain.
Aku bukan barang untuk kau guna bila perlu je.
Aku ada hati.
Aku ada perasaan.
And aku semestinya bukan punching bag kau, or siapa-siapa jer.
Silalah try jaga hati orang.
Sila try faham perasaan orang.
Aku pernah cakap, jangan sampai aku meluat and menyampah.
Sekarang kau dah mula buat aku meluat.
Terlampau banyak kau sakitkan hati aku.
Aku tak tau apa masalahnya.
Aku buat baik pun kau layan macam sampah jugak akhirnya.
Apetah lagi kalau aku buat bodoh, lagi kau layan macam tak wujud.
Haihhhh.
Aku ingatkan kau muncul balik kali nih, kau dah berubah.
Jadi lebih mesra and baik and memahami.
Kau cakap konon nak jadi macam dulu. tapi...
What should I do?
Forget you totally? As if kita tak pernah berkawan?
I guess so.
Then, take care.
Aku tau kau akan baca entry nih eventually.
Aku malas nak cakap direct sebab kau memang tak makan saman.
Thanks lah ye untuk apa-apa jer.
Take care.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Beloved Grandma is super sick :(
Have I mentioned anything before about my beloved grandma?
Well, she's the only grandparent I have.
Both of my grandparents on my Dad's side are dead.
And on my Mom's side, I only have my grandma.
About 4 months back, which was in May, I went to Sibu.
My grandma was all healthy and active doing her roti canai business,
Did the marvellous cooking, watching Indonesia's sinetrons on TV and walking around the house.
Except that every night she would complain that her right arm going up to her right shoulder was in pain.
I mean like achings lahh.
So she would ask me to massage a bit and put ointment on it.
Then she would put koyok there and just went to sleep.
My mom and my uncles and aunties were trying to get her to see the doctor,
but then she said, it was just normal body aches (she was too stubborn).
So they stopped forcing her to see the doctors.
Then about a month or 2 after that, she suddenly couldn't move her right arm at all.
My mom forced her to go to Kuching and see some specialist here.
So, she came here and did all the checked ups with the orthopedic.
At the time, the diagnosed was that she had very brittle bones.
Since she's 76, with all sort off hypertension, diabetic and what not,
it is too risky to do a biopsy or even to do any minor operations coz she wouldn't be able to recover fast enough. She will be in too much pain.
So, the doctor gave her splint for her arm since she couldn't move her right arm.
At that moment, she was still able to walk, but using walking stick, the four legged stick.
Then suddenly about a week ago, my mom received a call from my Aunt (Udak) who is living with my grandma telling her that my grandma suddenly going into bedridden. She even have to use the diapers.
So my aunt, Mok (who's living in Sibu) called the ambulance.
She was admitted last Tuesday (4/10/2011) and my Mom went straight to Sibu the same night.
And my other Aunts and Uncles went the next day.
Her condition was so serious that she couldn't even move.
She's totally bedridden.
They have to put catheter for her to urinate.
She don't want to eat.
Refuse to take her prescriptions.
She behave just like a baby.
Whining on everything.
Refusing everything.
She only want her youngest child which is my Usu to fed her.
She hates my mother, ok, not hate but dislike, coz my mother is the one that forcing her to take her meds, the one giving bath, the one talking to the docs, the one dressing the bedsore oh her back. Simple word, acting like a daughter cum nurse.
So yeah, my Mom has to do the hardest part of all, that is why the dislike.
The worst part is, I am ok if she's sleeping.
I would hold her other hand.
Caress her hand, her forehead.
Even if I called her, she's so sound asleep she didn't want to wake up.
But when she's awake, I avoid her, especially her eye contact.
I know she'll always ask for me.
She always does.
But I can't make eye contact with her.
Everytime I see her, seeing me, it is like she's asking me for help.
Her eyes. It is a sad eyes.
Full of sadness.
I cried everytime I see her, seeing me helplessly.
I cried non-stop.
I got into our car, I cried again.
Everytime the image of her doing that popped into my mind, I cried.
I cried randomly at random places.
In the office.
In the car on the way back to Kuching.
At home while surfing the net, I cried.
She has been diagnosed with second stage multiple myeloma.
In English, cancer of the plasma cells in bone marrow.
It has spread to her lungs.
She can't move her legs.
The cancer cells also attack her bones.
Nothing much can be done.
My Mom said, she's now on TLC condition.
Tender, loving and care.
All we have to do is only take care of her as long as she's alive :(
Last 2 days, she had 2 pints of blood into her body.
The white blood cells is too much.
The oxygen level went 80%, that they have to put her on oxygen mask.
Ya Allah, she is so helpless.
Yesterday she was asking for roti john for her dinner.
She had never demand anything.
And now she got all the teringin mode on.
I am so sad.
I feel like quitting the job and go back to Sibu to take care of her.
Mom said today maybe she'll be discharged, depending on her oxygen level.
I am having the thoughts of caring for her,
But I am not sure if I am capable of doing it since I can't stand seeing her all sick and helpless.
Next week my Mom is going to Sibu with my other Aunt, Anjang.
So I said to Mom that I wanted to tag along.
Nenek, please be strong.
Please wait for me.
I wanted to take her for my graduation, but too bad, she's too sick.
I wanted to show her my graduation photos.
She haven't seen it yet.
Ya Allah, please give strengths to my Grandma.
Please give us all some more time with her.
I need her to see me getting permanent job.
I want to give her my very 1st permanent salary.
I want to be there with her when the time comes.
Please, Ya Allah.
I can't imagine my life without Nenek.
I can't picture myself going back to Sibu, and Nenek is not there.
From my childhood time till I am 23, everytime I am back in Sibu, I will sleep with Nenek.
If Nenek is not around, who else I am going to sleep with?
Who else will I talk to before bedtime?
Who else will cook curry with extra potatoes just because she knew how much I love potatoes?
Who else will stock up her fridge with all sort of veges just because she knew I love veges?
And most of all, who will smile happily when she sees me around, coming home to Sibu just to see her?
Ya Allah, I miss her so much already.
I want to see her :(
Well, she's the only grandparent I have.
Both of my grandparents on my Dad's side are dead.
And on my Mom's side, I only have my grandma.
About 4 months back, which was in May, I went to Sibu.
My grandma was all healthy and active doing her roti canai business,
Did the marvellous cooking, watching Indonesia's sinetrons on TV and walking around the house.
Except that every night she would complain that her right arm going up to her right shoulder was in pain.
I mean like achings lahh.
So she would ask me to massage a bit and put ointment on it.
Then she would put koyok there and just went to sleep.
My mom and my uncles and aunties were trying to get her to see the doctor,
but then she said, it was just normal body aches (she was too stubborn).
So they stopped forcing her to see the doctors.
Then about a month or 2 after that, she suddenly couldn't move her right arm at all.
My mom forced her to go to Kuching and see some specialist here.
So, she came here and did all the checked ups with the orthopedic.
At the time, the diagnosed was that she had very brittle bones.
Since she's 76, with all sort off hypertension, diabetic and what not,
it is too risky to do a biopsy or even to do any minor operations coz she wouldn't be able to recover fast enough. She will be in too much pain.
So, the doctor gave her splint for her arm since she couldn't move her right arm.
At that moment, she was still able to walk, but using walking stick, the four legged stick.
Then suddenly about a week ago, my mom received a call from my Aunt (Udak) who is living with my grandma telling her that my grandma suddenly going into bedridden. She even have to use the diapers.
So my aunt, Mok (who's living in Sibu) called the ambulance.
She was admitted last Tuesday (4/10/2011) and my Mom went straight to Sibu the same night.
And my other Aunts and Uncles went the next day.
Her condition was so serious that she couldn't even move.
She's totally bedridden.
They have to put catheter for her to urinate.
She don't want to eat.
Refuse to take her prescriptions.
She behave just like a baby.
Whining on everything.
Refusing everything.
She only want her youngest child which is my Usu to fed her.
She hates my mother, ok, not hate but dislike, coz my mother is the one that forcing her to take her meds, the one giving bath, the one talking to the docs, the one dressing the bedsore oh her back. Simple word, acting like a daughter cum nurse.
So yeah, my Mom has to do the hardest part of all, that is why the dislike.
The worst part is, I am ok if she's sleeping.
I would hold her other hand.
Caress her hand, her forehead.
Even if I called her, she's so sound asleep she didn't want to wake up.
But when she's awake, I avoid her, especially her eye contact.
I know she'll always ask for me.
She always does.
But I can't make eye contact with her.
Everytime I see her, seeing me, it is like she's asking me for help.
Her eyes. It is a sad eyes.
Full of sadness.
I cried everytime I see her, seeing me helplessly.
I cried non-stop.
I got into our car, I cried again.
Everytime the image of her doing that popped into my mind, I cried.
I cried randomly at random places.
In the office.
In the car on the way back to Kuching.
At home while surfing the net, I cried.
She has been diagnosed with second stage multiple myeloma.
In English, cancer of the plasma cells in bone marrow.
It has spread to her lungs.
She can't move her legs.
The cancer cells also attack her bones.
Nothing much can be done.
My Mom said, she's now on TLC condition.
Tender, loving and care.
All we have to do is only take care of her as long as she's alive :(
Last 2 days, she had 2 pints of blood into her body.
The white blood cells is too much.
The oxygen level went 80%, that they have to put her on oxygen mask.
Ya Allah, she is so helpless.
Yesterday she was asking for roti john for her dinner.
She had never demand anything.
And now she got all the teringin mode on.
I am so sad.
I feel like quitting the job and go back to Sibu to take care of her.
Mom said today maybe she'll be discharged, depending on her oxygen level.
I am having the thoughts of caring for her,
But I am not sure if I am capable of doing it since I can't stand seeing her all sick and helpless.
Next week my Mom is going to Sibu with my other Aunt, Anjang.
So I said to Mom that I wanted to tag along.
Nenek, please be strong.
Please wait for me.
I wanted to take her for my graduation, but too bad, she's too sick.
I wanted to show her my graduation photos.
She haven't seen it yet.
Ya Allah, please give strengths to my Grandma.
Please give us all some more time with her.
I need her to see me getting permanent job.
I want to give her my very 1st permanent salary.
I want to be there with her when the time comes.
Please, Ya Allah.
I can't imagine my life without Nenek.
I can't picture myself going back to Sibu, and Nenek is not there.
From my childhood time till I am 23, everytime I am back in Sibu, I will sleep with Nenek.
If Nenek is not around, who else I am going to sleep with?
Who else will I talk to before bedtime?
Who else will cook curry with extra potatoes just because she knew how much I love potatoes?
Who else will stock up her fridge with all sort of veges just because she knew I love veges?
And most of all, who will smile happily when she sees me around, coming home to Sibu just to see her?
Ya Allah, I miss her so much already.
I want to see her :(
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Done
I am done trying to be good.
Done trying to act like I didn't feel offended.
Done caring.
Done hoping.
I do care so much about people sometimes.
Especially the one closes to me.
But if they didn't even care about me caring for them,
Or they worry too much about it,
I guess I am done here.
And now, worry about me not caring at all.
Worry about me not giving any attention to you.
If I can spend at least a few minutes of my busy life just to get to you,
To just say hi,
So that we wont lose contact,
Why can't you?
Is it so hard?
I don't think it's hard.
Unless you make it hard.
Or you just use that "busy" as your excuse.
Well, hear this.
I won't bother paying much attention to you anymore.
I won't bother looking for you.
I won't bother asking you for anything.
I won't bother trying to update you with my life.
I just won't bother doing anything.
Because it's worth nothing to you.
And I am tired.
Giving attention to people who doesn't even bother.
Don't try looking for me when you have no one.
I have given you my timeless attention,
You didn't try to appreciate it.
So I am going to give my attention to someone else who deserves it more.
You never change.
You are you.
And I am sorry to myself that I still think that we can still be friends like we used to.
No, we actually can't.
I am trying, but you are not.
You didn't try hard enough.
You didn't try to accept me.
You only wait for the new me.
Just, thank you. For whatever.
Done trying to act like I didn't feel offended.
Done caring.
Done hoping.
I do care so much about people sometimes.
Especially the one closes to me.
But if they didn't even care about me caring for them,
Or they worry too much about it,
I guess I am done here.
And now, worry about me not caring at all.
Worry about me not giving any attention to you.
If I can spend at least a few minutes of my busy life just to get to you,
To just say hi,
So that we wont lose contact,
Why can't you?
Is it so hard?
I don't think it's hard.
Unless you make it hard.
Or you just use that "busy" as your excuse.
Well, hear this.
I won't bother paying much attention to you anymore.
I won't bother looking for you.
I won't bother asking you for anything.
I won't bother trying to update you with my life.
I just won't bother doing anything.
Because it's worth nothing to you.
And I am tired.
Giving attention to people who doesn't even bother.
Don't try looking for me when you have no one.
I have given you my timeless attention,
You didn't try to appreciate it.
So I am going to give my attention to someone else who deserves it more.
You never change.
You are you.
And I am sorry to myself that I still think that we can still be friends like we used to.
No, we actually can't.
I am trying, but you are not.
You didn't try hard enough.
You didn't try to accept me.
You only wait for the new me.
Just, thank you. For whatever.
Monday, September 12, 2011
9/11
Yesterday was the 10th year of 9/11 tragedy.
I really don't care whose fault it was.
I mean, they claim it was the Muslim terrorist,
some claim it was the inside jobs.
Whoever responsible for it,
only God knows.
All I care about is the victims and their families.
It was sad reading all those articles for yesterday's mourning and remembrance.
A kid loses his/her parent/s.
A parent/s loses their child.
A husband/wife loses his/her love.
A friend loses his/her friend/s.
A man/woman loses his/her colleague/s.
A city loses her hero/heroin (police, fireman etc).
That is the one that I cared about.
No matter what religions they are, or what races they are,
victims are still victims.
Especially the victims of violence.
I don't support violence,
even if they told me millions of reasons for them.
Same goes to the victims of war in those Islamic countries.
People said, 9/11 is the platform for war against the Muslims.
Either it is true, or it is just an excuse, I don't care.
I don't blame anyone except the politics behind them.
I know some of the army themselves doesn't approve the war,
it's just their job and they can't escape from it.
Whatever it is,
just don't make this thing a religion issues.
Think humanity.
Be a human for a second,
and put aside all your political thoughts.
I don't support violence even if they are using religion as an excuse.
None of the religion in the world allows violence against the civilians.
War are between armies,
civilians are not included.
Think humanity.
I pray the family of the victims of any violence, not only 9/11, given a strong heart.
I pray for the Muslims' safety in the struggling Islamic countries.
I pray for everyone's safety, free from war and violence.
I wish this world will be at peace one day.
I wish everyone is more human than ever.
I just wish I will stop crying on articles on victims of violence.
It is just too sad.
The images gave me a big impression and it kept on playing on my mind.
I wish I will never given up on humanity.
My hope is still high.
Too see the world at peace.
O Allah, give the world a second chance. Amin.
p/s: If you have any negative comment/s on this post of mine, be it religious ones or stupid political thought, I think you better keep it in your shallow mind (small brain, for sure) because you will just waste your time typing them since I am not going to approve it. Thank you.
I really don't care whose fault it was.
I mean, they claim it was the Muslim terrorist,
some claim it was the inside jobs.
Whoever responsible for it,
only God knows.
All I care about is the victims and their families.
It was sad reading all those articles for yesterday's mourning and remembrance.
A kid loses his/her parent/s.
A parent/s loses their child.
A husband/wife loses his/her love.
A friend loses his/her friend/s.
A man/woman loses his/her colleague/s.
A city loses her hero/heroin (police, fireman etc).
That is the one that I cared about.
No matter what religions they are, or what races they are,
victims are still victims.
Especially the victims of violence.
I don't support violence,
even if they told me millions of reasons for them.
Same goes to the victims of war in those Islamic countries.
People said, 9/11 is the platform for war against the Muslims.
Either it is true, or it is just an excuse, I don't care.
I don't blame anyone except the politics behind them.
I know some of the army themselves doesn't approve the war,
it's just their job and they can't escape from it.
Whatever it is,
just don't make this thing a religion issues.
Think humanity.
Be a human for a second,
and put aside all your political thoughts.
I don't support violence even if they are using religion as an excuse.
None of the religion in the world allows violence against the civilians.
War are between armies,
civilians are not included.
Think humanity.
I pray the family of the victims of any violence, not only 9/11, given a strong heart.
I pray for the Muslims' safety in the struggling Islamic countries.
I pray for everyone's safety, free from war and violence.
I wish this world will be at peace one day.
I wish everyone is more human than ever.
I just wish I will stop crying on articles on victims of violence.
It is just too sad.
The images gave me a big impression and it kept on playing on my mind.
I wish I will never given up on humanity.
My hope is still high.
Too see the world at peace.
O Allah, give the world a second chance. Amin.
p/s: If you have any negative comment/s on this post of mine, be it religious ones or stupid political thought, I think you better keep it in your shallow mind (small brain, for sure) because you will just waste your time typing them since I am not going to approve it. Thank you.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Office
Phewwww.
It has been a month since I started working.
Ok lah.
Actually I am doing my attachment under the state government's program.
It's called Capacity Building for Graduates (CBG).
Something similar to Skim Latihan 1 Malaysia (SL1M).
It's just that this CBG thigy dah start lama gila dah dekat Sarawak nih compare to SL1M.
So, nih adalah state government punya benda lah.
I am attached to the Waste Management Unit under the Public Health Division.
Hohohohoho.
Bolehlah.
Quite interesting.
Macam-macam ragam complainants ada. Hahaha.
So far, for this 1st month, banyak blaja procedures dekat cnih jer.
Nothing much lah this month since the boss for my unit nih banyak travelling jugak.
So, mostly all I did was the admin work.
Aku adalah pakar fotostat, binding, laminating, filing so forth and so on sekarang.
LOL.
Kerja up sikit pasal payment to contractor and stuff, still learning.
Managing the complains and cases pun still learning.
Belom keluar ikut inspection lagi or to the site office.
So banyak duduk dalam office jer lah.
Office pulak dah rupa negara bermusim sejuk.
Minggu ke-2 dekat cnih, terus start demam.
Sejuk dia tak terkata.
Menaip pun jadi masalah sebab jari semua keras dibuatnya.
Dah rupa kena frost bite pun ada.
Huhuhuhuhu.
Oh,
tiap bulan akan ada program recycling dekat parking area thic council.
It's quite interesting tengok the amount of people yang actually betul-betul into recycling.
Ramai jugak ye.
Sambutan sangat menggalakkan.
But mostly the Chinese lah.
And selain Chinese around this area, Malays yang kerja cnih and some other non-bumis and Indians pun ada.
Tapi mostly pun staff dekat this council.
Kalau dari public, mostly Chinese.
Maybe sebab kawasan Kuching Selatan nih memang ramai Chinese kot.
I am not quite sure lah dekat bahagian Kuching Utara sana sambutan macam mana.
Tapi yang buat aku yakin the Chinese yang banyak recycling, sebab, most company yang uruskan pengumpulan barang recycling nih pun Chinese owned.
Paling interesting,
Public datang tak hantar barang recycling masa program,
but to redeem points.
Hehehehhe.
Seronok tengok.
Kitorang dah rupa bukak supermarket.
Sebab dekat this council,
buy back centre dia bukan tukar dengan duit.
Tapi tukar dengan household items.
Macam Dynamo, softlan, toothbrush, penyapu semua lah.
Banyk gila ok barang.
Ada datang bawak shopping bag masing-masing and redeem items.
Dah macam orang shopping dekat supermarket.
hehehehhe.
Aku tidur dekat office berdengkur ok!
Pagi tadi datang office awal, macam biasa 6.45am dah terpacak kat desk.
Malam semalam tidur lambat gila ok!
Dalam 12am lebih, bangun sahur 4am lebih, terus mandi then turun kerja before 6am.
Tsk tsk tsk.
Sampai office sambung tido kat desk, sampai kol 8am.
Bangun-bangun jer dah ramai kat office.
Kepenatan gila sampai berdengkur. Hahahahah.
Makcik Salmah bagi tau aku berdengkur. Bahahahah.
Biasanya takda aku berdengkur.
Takpa, macam biasa,
buat bodoh sudah. :D
Eyh,
Oklah, that's all I guess.
Malas nak online lama-lama.
Till then.
Aku nak teman colleagues shopping kejap lagi masa lunch hour.
Ngeh ngeh ngeh.
It has been a month since I started working.
Ok lah.
Actually I am doing my attachment under the state government's program.
It's called Capacity Building for Graduates (CBG).
Something similar to Skim Latihan 1 Malaysia (SL1M).
It's just that this CBG thigy dah start lama gila dah dekat Sarawak nih compare to SL1M.
So, nih adalah state government punya benda lah.
I am attached to the Waste Management Unit under the Public Health Division.
Hohohohoho.
Bolehlah.
Quite interesting.
Macam-macam ragam complainants ada. Hahaha.
So far, for this 1st month, banyak blaja procedures dekat cnih jer.
Nothing much lah this month since the boss for my unit nih banyak travelling jugak.
So, mostly all I did was the admin work.
Aku adalah pakar fotostat, binding, laminating, filing so forth and so on sekarang.
LOL.
Kerja up sikit pasal payment to contractor and stuff, still learning.
Managing the complains and cases pun still learning.
Belom keluar ikut inspection lagi or to the site office.
So banyak duduk dalam office jer lah.
Office pulak dah rupa negara bermusim sejuk.
Minggu ke-2 dekat cnih, terus start demam.
Sejuk dia tak terkata.
Menaip pun jadi masalah sebab jari semua keras dibuatnya.
Dah rupa kena frost bite pun ada.
Huhuhuhuhu.
Oh,
tiap bulan akan ada program recycling dekat parking area thic council.
It's quite interesting tengok the amount of people yang actually betul-betul into recycling.
Ramai jugak ye.
Sambutan sangat menggalakkan.
But mostly the Chinese lah.
And selain Chinese around this area, Malays yang kerja cnih and some other non-bumis and Indians pun ada.
Tapi mostly pun staff dekat this council.
Kalau dari public, mostly Chinese.
Maybe sebab kawasan Kuching Selatan nih memang ramai Chinese kot.
I am not quite sure lah dekat bahagian Kuching Utara sana sambutan macam mana.
Tapi yang buat aku yakin the Chinese yang banyak recycling, sebab, most company yang uruskan pengumpulan barang recycling nih pun Chinese owned.
Paling interesting,
Public datang tak hantar barang recycling masa program,
but to redeem points.
Hehehehhe.
Seronok tengok.
Kitorang dah rupa bukak supermarket.
Sebab dekat this council,
buy back centre dia bukan tukar dengan duit.
Tapi tukar dengan household items.
Macam Dynamo, softlan, toothbrush, penyapu semua lah.
Banyk gila ok barang.
Ada datang bawak shopping bag masing-masing and redeem items.
Dah macam orang shopping dekat supermarket.
hehehehhe.
Aku tidur dekat office berdengkur ok!
Pagi tadi datang office awal, macam biasa 6.45am dah terpacak kat desk.
Malam semalam tidur lambat gila ok!
Dalam 12am lebih, bangun sahur 4am lebih, terus mandi then turun kerja before 6am.
Tsk tsk tsk.
Sampai office sambung tido kat desk, sampai kol 8am.
Bangun-bangun jer dah ramai kat office.
Kepenatan gila sampai berdengkur. Hahahahah.
Makcik Salmah bagi tau aku berdengkur. Bahahahah.
Biasanya takda aku berdengkur.
Takpa, macam biasa,
buat bodoh sudah. :D
Eyh,
Oklah, that's all I guess.
Malas nak online lama-lama.
Till then.
Aku nak teman colleagues shopping kejap lagi masa lunch hour.
Ngeh ngeh ngeh.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Truly, Madly, Deeply
I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish,
I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do
I will be strong, I will be faithful
'Cause I'm counting on
A new beginnin'
A reason for livin'
A deeper meanin', yeaa
And I want to stand with you on the mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me
And when my stars are shinin' brightly in the velvet sky
I'll make a wish to send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of
The highest powers in lonely hours
The tears devour you
And I want to stand with you on the mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me
Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cause it's standin' right before you
All that you need will surely come
I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish,
I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do
I want to stand with you on the mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me
And I want to stand with you on the mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me
:: Enjoy! I am down with fever. Hmmm. Guess I need extra rest tonight. Will update my boring life stories soon! ::
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Give It All Away
I.....I will learn to live before I die
Will learn to love and learn to try
Not to give it all away
She....may be
The one that's meant for me
Or for the man that I used to be
Til' I gave it all away
Why hy hy I lay my heart down on the floor
I showed you love, you wanted more re re
But I gave it all away
You taught me to see the better truth
About yourself but about me too
I was stupid over you
What could I do
Why hy hy I lay my heart down on the floor
I showed you love, you wanted more re re
But I gave it all away
Some people wait a lifetime for a chance like this
I've waited enough
Baby, no, I won't let you go
I'm sick of tears and fierce
Why hy hy I lay my heart down on the floor
I showed you love, you wanted more re re
But I gave it all away
There's nothing left to take
I give it all away
:: Forgive all the jiwang-ness. Hahah. It's the season for me laa. Ada time, I'll into those electro, rap, hip-hop R&B types. Masa tuh kan, pelik-pelik jer lagu. Mostly mesti dance songs from movie like Step Up::
:: Oh, ada time, I'll go madly in love into Spanish songs. Hehehehhe ::
I Don't Love You
Well, when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way
And after all this time that you still owe
You're a still good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out while you can
When you go would you even turn to say
"I don't love you like I did yesterday"?
Sometimes I cried so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you down and out
It is where you oughta stay
Well after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up while you can
When you go would you even turn to say
"I don't love you like I did yesterday"?
Well come on, come on!
When you go would you have the guts to say
"I don't love you like I loved you yesterday"?
I don't love you like I loved you yesterday
I don't love you like I loved you yesterday
:: Another all time favourite. Do enjoy! ::
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Hati Yang Kau Sakiti
Jangan pernah katakan bahawa
Cintamu hanyalah untukku
Karna kini kau telah membaginya
Maafkan jika memang kini
Harus ku tinggalkan dirimu
Karna hatiku selalu kau lukai
Tak ada lagi yang bisaku lakukan tanpamu
Ku hanya bisa mengatakan apa yang ku rasa
Ku menangis membayangkan
Betapa kejamnya dirimu atas diriku
Kau duakan cinta ini
Kau pergi bersamanya
Ku menangis melepaskan
Kepergian dirimu dari sisi hidupku
Harus selalu kau tahu
Akulah hati yang telah kau sakiti
Ku menangis
Harus slalu kau tahu
Akulah hati yang telah kau sakiti
What Hurts The Most
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I am not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' tha lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do oh
Oh yeah
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do oh
Oh yeah
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
:: Sorry for the long hiatus mode. I found myself to not having the blogging mojo at the time being. Super lazy, plus, working life forbids me to. I don't even have time to blogwalking. Even on weekends, I prefer to just tweet around and stalking people on Facebook. So yeah, I'll try giving some life to this blog by posting up videos of my current favourite songs once in a while. Anyways, I have been working for about 3++ weeks. Almost a month ::
:: About this song, kinda my current favourite that keeps on repeating on my mp3 player for these couple of days. Old song, I know ::
Saturday, July 16, 2011
I hate thinking for title so this is the title. bahaha!
I am so lazy to update anything here.
Adoiiiii.
I don't have the blogging mojo anymore okay.
There are so many things happened this past few weeks.
Watch couple of movies.
Went to few great diners.
Got an offer.
Went shopping in KL.
Met old friends from highshcool.
Mini reunion.
So forth and so on.
Yet, I don't have the intentions to actually blog them out.
See, so pemalas right?
See lah next time if I can get my rajiness out.
Or even move my ass from this stupid laziness.
I have been hanging out on Twitter for quite some times.
Been updating myself there a lot.
Whining and rambling there is so much fun okay.
I have been thinking, I wanna have a Tumblr account.
Cool or nah?
Ditto!
Adoiiiii.
I don't have the blogging mojo anymore okay.
There are so many things happened this past few weeks.
Watch couple of movies.
Went to few great diners.
Got an offer.
Went shopping in KL.
Met old friends from highshcool.
Mini reunion.
So forth and so on.
Yet, I don't have the intentions to actually blog them out.
See, so pemalas right?
See lah next time if I can get my rajiness out.
Or even move my ass from this stupid laziness.
I have been hanging out on Twitter for quite some times.
Been updating myself there a lot.
Whining and rambling there is so much fun okay.
I have been thinking, I wanna have a Tumblr account.
Cool or nah?
Ditto!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Chipmunk
I just had my wisdom tooth removed this morning.
Excruciating la the pain T__T
Just imagine, after the tooth has been pulled out,
out of sudden the local anesthetic *poof* disappear!
The dentist had not had the chance to stitch the gum yet the LA already gone -_-"
Imagine la how painful it was.
She said to raise my hand if it was painful,
bukan takat angkat tangan, menjerit pun ye.
So she had to inject another dose.
Haihhhhhhhhhhh.
So now,
Don't make me laugh, or even smile.
*Merana*
If I do look so sombong,
paham-paham lah ye :(
Oh anyway,
Anyone who is my friend in FB would know that I complained that I look like a panda.
Then, a friend commented and said that her friend pun baru cabut wisdom tooth and now she look like a chipmunk.
Bila fikir balik, haah, more to like a chipmunk.
But as for my situation,
I look like a chipmunk with only one side chubbier than I already have.
Today,
I had chicken porridge for brunch and dinner.
Huhuhuhuhu.
Cukup syarat to take my ibuprofen.
Quite a strong painkiller kan?
Asal makan jer confirm hilang the pain.
Which, only lasted for few hours.
And kenyang bubur pun very sekejap.
I get hungry so quick than usual.
I have been missing like always.
Even though I had gone out for movie and good food with dear ones,
but then, so lazy to actually took any pictures, or even blog about it.
In these past 2 weeks,
I have had several Dim Sum moments and also movie.
Dim Sum rocks okay! Especially Kim Bay's :)
Thanks to those friends yang introduced the place to me.
I had tried the one at After 3, but, ermmm, so so only la.
It's fun to gather again and catching up with each other's life.
Semua kawan sekolah.
And I can't wait for my cliques to be back.
All of them so we can hang out like before.
Which actually sounds so impossible to gather all seven of us.
Tsk tsk tsk.
Why lah you guys study jauh-jauh?! -_-"
Padahal 3 orang jer overseas.
But still, if dorang balik, mesti ada jer yang dekat local Uni nih tak balik.
See??
Btw, Transformers 3 was awesome!
Wouldn't mind if I have to watch it again.
But the downside was, it was quite slow at the beginning, so a bit boring there.
I still think that the 1st one was the best :D
Oh again,
I prefer Megan Fox la.
Even though in the past 2 movies she was nothing but a barbie doll,
at least I could see chemistry between her and Shea.
Yang perempuan baru nih tak.
Macam tunggul dah aku tengok.
Tunggul yang ada body figure.
Geddit?
-_-"
And now, I am patiently waiting for the last part of Harry Potter trilogy.
Watched the trailer like thousands of times and felt goosebumps every time.
Not putting my expectations too high.
Okay lah.
That's all I guess.
Like always, wrap all activities in a single entry.
Baahahahhahaa.
It feels good okay, to just sit back and relax and not bother about blogging sometimes, okay, every time.
Bila duduk rumah nih,
aku lebih suka rilex mengadap movie dekat laptop.
Anyways,
this Saturday until next Tuesday kan,
I will be in KL *insyaAllah
Lets see how am I doing in KL with the stitches still on my gum.
Hmmmmm.
Balik from KL on the 12th at night, on 13th pagi-pagi dah pergi dentist bukak stitches.
Huhuuhuhuu.
Till then,
aku nak rehat sambil tengok movie.
My mom's in KL :(
No one to cook bubur ayam for me except makcik kedai.
But again, I can bermanja with my dad and siblings for the week :P
Jyeahhh!
Ditto! :D
p/s: Introducing, my sis' pets, Bubu and Bobo.
Excruciating la the pain T__T
Just imagine, after the tooth has been pulled out,
out of sudden the local anesthetic *poof* disappear!
The dentist had not had the chance to stitch the gum yet the LA already gone -_-"
Imagine la how painful it was.
She said to raise my hand if it was painful,
bukan takat angkat tangan, menjerit pun ye.
So she had to inject another dose.
Haihhhhhhhhhhh.
So now,
Don't make me laugh, or even smile.
*Merana*
If I do look so sombong,
paham-paham lah ye :(
Oh anyway,
Anyone who is my friend in FB would know that I complained that I look like a panda.
Then, a friend commented and said that her friend pun baru cabut wisdom tooth and now she look like a chipmunk.
Bila fikir balik, haah, more to like a chipmunk.
But as for my situation,
I look like a chipmunk with only one side chubbier than I already have.
Today,
I had chicken porridge for brunch and dinner.
Huhuhuhuhu.
Cukup syarat to take my ibuprofen.
Quite a strong painkiller kan?
Asal makan jer confirm hilang the pain.
Which, only lasted for few hours.
And kenyang bubur pun very sekejap.
I get hungry so quick than usual.
I have been missing like always.
Even though I had gone out for movie and good food with dear ones,
but then, so lazy to actually took any pictures, or even blog about it.
In these past 2 weeks,
I have had several Dim Sum moments and also movie.
Dim Sum rocks okay! Especially Kim Bay's :)
Thanks to those friends yang introduced the place to me.
I had tried the one at After 3, but, ermmm, so so only la.
It's fun to gather again and catching up with each other's life.
Semua kawan sekolah.
And I can't wait for my cliques to be back.
All of them so we can hang out like before.
Which actually sounds so impossible to gather all seven of us.
Tsk tsk tsk.
Why lah you guys study jauh-jauh?! -_-"
Padahal 3 orang jer overseas.
But still, if dorang balik, mesti ada jer yang dekat local Uni nih tak balik.
See??
Btw, Transformers 3 was awesome!
Wouldn't mind if I have to watch it again.
But the downside was, it was quite slow at the beginning, so a bit boring there.
I still think that the 1st one was the best :D
Oh again,
I prefer Megan Fox la.
Even though in the past 2 movies she was nothing but a barbie doll,
at least I could see chemistry between her and Shea.
Yang perempuan baru nih tak.
Macam tunggul dah aku tengok.
Tunggul yang ada body figure.
Geddit?
-_-"
And now, I am patiently waiting for the last part of Harry Potter trilogy.
Watched the trailer like thousands of times and felt goosebumps every time.
Not putting my expectations too high.
Okay lah.
That's all I guess.
Like always, wrap all activities in a single entry.
Baahahahhahaa.
It feels good okay, to just sit back and relax and not bother about blogging sometimes, okay, every time.
Bila duduk rumah nih,
aku lebih suka rilex mengadap movie dekat laptop.
Anyways,
this Saturday until next Tuesday kan,
I will be in KL *insyaAllah
Lets see how am I doing in KL with the stitches still on my gum.
Hmmmmm.
Balik from KL on the 12th at night, on 13th pagi-pagi dah pergi dentist bukak stitches.
Huhuuhuhuu.
Till then,
aku nak rehat sambil tengok movie.
My mom's in KL :(
No one to cook bubur ayam for me except makcik kedai.
But again, I can bermanja with my dad and siblings for the week :P
Jyeahhh!
Ditto! :D
p/s: Introducing, my sis' pets, Bubu and Bobo.
This is Bobo.
He's super fat and fluffy.
But he loves to bite.
A lot.
He loves sleeping,
and again,
biting.
He NEVER runs on his wheely coz he can't fit it.
And this is Bubu.
He's so small.
But super cute.
This is the biggest he can be.
He loves running on his wheely,
a LOT!
He never bites,
so you can pet him always,
but careful,
he's super fast
He had once escape from my sis hand and we turn the house upside down to search for him.
He's my favourite! :D
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Boring-boring
Ceyh, baru jer sebulan lebih in hiatus mode. Oklah, almost 2 months lah.
Aku ingatkan lama benar aku biarkan blog nih tak berupdate.
Takdalah lama mana kot.
Malas gila nak update tau tak?
Walaupun hari-hari aku ngadap laptop and internet nih boleh kata siang malam,
tapi keinginan nak update takda langsung.
Hohohohoho.
Banyak jer aku buat masa cuti nih.
Selain makan, tido, mandi, psp, tenet and kemas rumah,
bila kerajinan mendatang, aku akan main masak-masak.
Hehehehhehe.
Hari tuh on Father's Day, aku buat Laksa Sarawak and Oreo Cheesecake.
First time aku buat chilled version punya cheesecake.
Before nih pernah buat baked punya jer.
Kan kena pakai serbuk gelatin, pastuh carik punya carik, payah betol nak jumpa.
So substitute dengan serbuk agar-agar.
Mestilah aku ikut sukatan untuk serbuk gelatin kan.
Sekali kauuuuu, serbuk agar-agar tak sekuat gelatin,
makanya cheesecake aku tak berapa nak firm.
Keluar dari freezer jer, biar kejap dah lembik cheese.
Tapi still sedap gila ok! :P
Selain masak-masak,
benda paling rajin aku buat adalah main PSP.
Sekarang aku main The Sims 2.
Before tuh aku dah habiskan Angry Birds,
nak kumpul 3 stars jer tinggal.
Stress ok main game.
Terganggu masa tido malam aku.
Hehehehhee.
Selain tuh,
kerja aku adalah travelling.
Sampai jer Kuching dari KL hari tuh, 2 weeks after that aku dah dekat KL balik.
Seminggu jugak kat sana, pergi interview kerja.
Then, balik Kuching.
Esoknya terus pergi Sibu pulak.
Spent masa kat Sibu 2 weeks.
Nenek suruh balik daaaa.
Then balik Kuching lagi.
Sampailah sekarang. :D
Another 2 weeks aku pergi KL lagi, insyaAllah.
Saja jalan-jalan dengan aunty and cousins.
Hehhehehe :D
Tiket murah gila katanyaaaaaaa.
Tapi kan, 5 hari sebelum pergi tuh aku ada minor oral surgery.
Nak buang wisdom tooth belah kanan bawah.
Semua orang takutkan aku cakap sakit gila seminggu nak makan apa tak boleh.
Jawabnya, makan bubur ngan eskrem jer lah aku kat KL kang :(
Heh.
Aku pun tak sure apa motif entry nih.
Rasanya saja nak bagi hidup blog sekejap before aku hilang balik.
Aku belom ada mood blogging.
Kalau datang mood blogging tuh,
semua benda aku nak cerita,
walaupun cerita tuh sebenarnya tak ada apa.
Huk huk huk.
Oklah,
aku nak sambung tengok YouTube.
Lagipun sekarang pun sibuk dengan research paper punya writing.
Hohohohoho.
Oh lupa nak bagi tau.
Result thesis keli aku dapat A :)
Alhamdulillah.
Keseluruhannya, aku berjaya naikkan CGPA aku secara mendadak.
Syukur sangat :D
Oklah.
Hari Ahad=Bosan.
Maka aku nak tengok YouTube and main game jer.
Till next time!
Daaaaaaaaaaaa
Aku ingatkan lama benar aku biarkan blog nih tak berupdate.
Takdalah lama mana kot.
Malas gila nak update tau tak?
Walaupun hari-hari aku ngadap laptop and internet nih boleh kata siang malam,
tapi keinginan nak update takda langsung.
Hohohohoho.
Banyak jer aku buat masa cuti nih.
Selain makan, tido, mandi, psp, tenet and kemas rumah,
bila kerajinan mendatang, aku akan main masak-masak.
Hehehehhehe.
Hari tuh on Father's Day, aku buat Laksa Sarawak and Oreo Cheesecake.
First time aku buat chilled version punya cheesecake.
Before nih pernah buat baked punya jer.
Kan kena pakai serbuk gelatin, pastuh carik punya carik, payah betol nak jumpa.
So substitute dengan serbuk agar-agar.
Mestilah aku ikut sukatan untuk serbuk gelatin kan.
Sekali kauuuuu, serbuk agar-agar tak sekuat gelatin,
makanya cheesecake aku tak berapa nak firm.
Keluar dari freezer jer, biar kejap dah lembik cheese.
Tapi still sedap gila ok! :P
Selain masak-masak,
benda paling rajin aku buat adalah main PSP.
Sekarang aku main The Sims 2.
Before tuh aku dah habiskan Angry Birds,
nak kumpul 3 stars jer tinggal.
Stress ok main game.
Terganggu masa tido malam aku.
Hehehehhee.
Selain tuh,
kerja aku adalah travelling.
Sampai jer Kuching dari KL hari tuh, 2 weeks after that aku dah dekat KL balik.
Seminggu jugak kat sana, pergi interview kerja.
Then, balik Kuching.
Esoknya terus pergi Sibu pulak.
Spent masa kat Sibu 2 weeks.
Nenek suruh balik daaaa.
Then balik Kuching lagi.
Sampailah sekarang. :D
Another 2 weeks aku pergi KL lagi, insyaAllah.
Saja jalan-jalan dengan aunty and cousins.
Hehhehehe :D
Tiket murah gila katanyaaaaaaa.
Tapi kan, 5 hari sebelum pergi tuh aku ada minor oral surgery.
Nak buang wisdom tooth belah kanan bawah.
Semua orang takutkan aku cakap sakit gila seminggu nak makan apa tak boleh.
Jawabnya, makan bubur ngan eskrem jer lah aku kat KL kang :(
Heh.
Aku pun tak sure apa motif entry nih.
Rasanya saja nak bagi hidup blog sekejap before aku hilang balik.
Aku belom ada mood blogging.
Kalau datang mood blogging tuh,
semua benda aku nak cerita,
walaupun cerita tuh sebenarnya tak ada apa.
Huk huk huk.
Oklah,
aku nak sambung tengok YouTube.
Lagipun sekarang pun sibuk dengan research paper punya writing.
Hohohohoho.
Oh lupa nak bagi tau.
Result thesis keli aku dapat A :)
Alhamdulillah.
Keseluruhannya, aku berjaya naikkan CGPA aku secara mendadak.
Syukur sangat :D
Oklah.
Hari Ahad=Bosan.
Maka aku nak tengok YouTube and main game jer.
Till next time!
Daaaaaaaaaaaa
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Travelling much?
Aku baru sampai Kuching dari KL. Tadi lah pukul 4pm gitu landed.
Aku pergi KL Isnin lepas, 16 May sampailah hari nih 21 May.
Esok aku gerak ke Sibu pulak! Fuhhhhh! Kerja aku berjalan sakan jer.
Oklah, tuh jer for now. Hehehhehe.
Babaii!!
p/s: Sangat malas nak update blog bila cuti macam nih tau :D
Aku pergi KL Isnin lepas, 16 May sampailah hari nih 21 May.
Esok aku gerak ke Sibu pulak! Fuhhhhh! Kerja aku berjalan sakan jer.
Oklah, tuh jer for now. Hehehhehe.
Babaii!!
p/s: Sangat malas nak update blog bila cuti macam nih tau :D
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Heart
This post has been typed on Friday hari tuh. Aku malas nak edit. Plus, still rasa benda yang sama. Kan blogger problem kan. So aku tak boleh nak publish, so aku biarkan dalam WLW jer as draft. Now baru aku post. Eheh.
………………………………………………………………………………………….
I don’t know what’s wrong but I am definitely feeling all sappy and sad right now.
I feel heartbroken over and over again.
Why?
I don’t know lah why.
Tadi tengok satu series reality nih.
Reality show apa? Adalahhhhhhh. Tapi tadi pagi tengok yang last episode dia. Memang sedih jer hati tengok.
Sebab apa? Sebab ada sorang watak dalam tuh, cara dia memang 100% sama dengan my last dearest one. My ex lah. Ex ke? Entahlah, boleh dikatakan ex ke tak. Huhuhu.
Tapi tuhlah, last episode tuh, dia break up dengan awek dia. Tapi this time around, awek dia yang ended it up sebab awek dia dah tak tahan dengan cara dia layan awek dia.
Seriously semua part dia dengan awek dia tuh mengingatkan aku dengan kisah lama. Sedihnya lah hai. Sebab aku jadi rindu dengan ex aku. Rindu sangat-sangat.
Rindu gila ok. Dia tuh romantik lah jugak, tapi kadang-kadang very mean ok. Bila dia marah, dia sangat mean. Semua orang jadi punching bag dia, termasuklah aku. Bila dia ada bad day dekat office ke, memang dia sangat mean kat semua orang. Well, kadang-kadang kena terima jer lah kan.
However, dia sangat thoughtful. Ingat tarikh itu ini. Kadang-kadang aku lupa apa aku pernah cerita kat dia, share dengan dia, tapi dia pulak yang ingat. Sweet kan? Kadang-kadang tanpa dia sedar, dia buat benda yang sweet.
Tapi tuh semua dulu lah. Tapi tak salah kan nak pegang pada kenangan. Cumanya lately nih aku jadi sayu sangat bila ingat dia. Sebab so far, dia lah paling best and happening. Huhuhuhu. Aku try kenal orang lain, tapi hati aku macam dah tertutup.
Walaupun kitorang ended up in kinda bad term, tapi lepas tuh kitorang still get along. Once in a while still contact semua. Still cerita itu ini, cuma tak sekerap and se details masa dulu. Well, at least we are still friends.
But yeah, I really miss our time together. Sangat. Rindu lahhhhhhhhh! Huhuhuhuhuh. Sayu nya rasa hatiiiiiii!!
Dahlah lepas abis last episode reality show pagi tadi, mak aku pergi pasang radio, pulak dah lagu jiwang. Makin sayu! Huhuuuhuhuhu.
p/s: How I wish I still can have all your attentions like I used to. Huhuhuhuhuhu. I miss you, no doubt about that.
………………………………………………………………………………………..
Tuh je.
Babai!
p/s: Aku nak pergi KL esok, Isnin sampai Sabtu. Huhuhuhu.
………………………………………………………………………………………….
I don’t know what’s wrong but I am definitely feeling all sappy and sad right now.
I feel heartbroken over and over again.
Why?
I don’t know lah why.
Tadi tengok satu series reality nih.
Reality show apa? Adalahhhhhhh. Tapi tadi pagi tengok yang last episode dia. Memang sedih jer hati tengok.
Sebab apa? Sebab ada sorang watak dalam tuh, cara dia memang 100% sama dengan my last dearest one. My ex lah. Ex ke? Entahlah, boleh dikatakan ex ke tak. Huhuhu.
Tapi tuhlah, last episode tuh, dia break up dengan awek dia. Tapi this time around, awek dia yang ended it up sebab awek dia dah tak tahan dengan cara dia layan awek dia.
Seriously semua part dia dengan awek dia tuh mengingatkan aku dengan kisah lama. Sedihnya lah hai. Sebab aku jadi rindu dengan ex aku. Rindu sangat-sangat.
Rindu gila ok. Dia tuh romantik lah jugak, tapi kadang-kadang very mean ok. Bila dia marah, dia sangat mean. Semua orang jadi punching bag dia, termasuklah aku. Bila dia ada bad day dekat office ke, memang dia sangat mean kat semua orang. Well, kadang-kadang kena terima jer lah kan.
However, dia sangat thoughtful. Ingat tarikh itu ini. Kadang-kadang aku lupa apa aku pernah cerita kat dia, share dengan dia, tapi dia pulak yang ingat. Sweet kan? Kadang-kadang tanpa dia sedar, dia buat benda yang sweet.
Tapi tuh semua dulu lah. Tapi tak salah kan nak pegang pada kenangan. Cumanya lately nih aku jadi sayu sangat bila ingat dia. Sebab so far, dia lah paling best and happening. Huhuhuhu. Aku try kenal orang lain, tapi hati aku macam dah tertutup.
Walaupun kitorang ended up in kinda bad term, tapi lepas tuh kitorang still get along. Once in a while still contact semua. Still cerita itu ini, cuma tak sekerap and se details masa dulu. Well, at least we are still friends.
But yeah, I really miss our time together. Sangat. Rindu lahhhhhhhhh! Huhuhuhuhuh. Sayu nya rasa hatiiiiiii!!
Dahlah lepas abis last episode reality show pagi tadi, mak aku pergi pasang radio, pulak dah lagu jiwang. Makin sayu! Huhuuuhuhuhu.
p/s: How I wish I still can have all your attentions like I used to. Huhuhuhuhuhu. I miss you, no doubt about that.
………………………………………………………………………………………..
Tuh je.
Babai!
p/s: Aku nak pergi KL esok, Isnin sampai Sabtu. Huhuhuhu.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Fever
I am down with fever, sore throat and just now, I have running nose. Urghhhhhh!
So, tak ada mood nak update apa-apa for now.
Rasa nak tidooooooooooooooooooooooooooo jer sepanjang hari.
Huuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu.
Oh, tadi dapat call from Dekan satu fakulti dekat private Uni College.
Hmmmmmph!
Dia suruh datang interview minggu depan.
Aiyokkkkkkkkk.
Now, aku bertambah confused and pening.
Huhuhuhuhuh.
How la nak carik duit beli tiket last minute nih?
-_-"
Aku dah cakap kat dia macam susah jer.
Boleh dia cakap "You nak kerja ke tak?"
Ahhhhhh, sudah!!
Terus aku terkedu kat ctuh jer.
Memang nak kerja sangat.
Susah kot carik kerja sekarang.
Huhuhuhuhu.
Oklah.
Nak rileks.
Download cerita Vampire Diaries sambil tido.
Heaven!
Babai!
p/s: I just got back, my mom going to KL. And she's in KL now. Issshhh.
So, tak ada mood nak update apa-apa for now.
Rasa nak tidooooooooooooooooooooooooooo jer sepanjang hari.
Huuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu.
Oh, tadi dapat call from Dekan satu fakulti dekat private Uni College.
Hmmmmmph!
Dia suruh datang interview minggu depan.
Aiyokkkkkkkkk.
Now, aku bertambah confused and pening.
Huhuhuhuhuh.
How la nak carik duit beli tiket last minute nih?
-_-"
Aku dah cakap kat dia macam susah jer.
Boleh dia cakap "You nak kerja ke tak?"
Ahhhhhh, sudah!!
Terus aku terkedu kat ctuh jer.
Memang nak kerja sangat.
Susah kot carik kerja sekarang.
Huhuhuhuhu.
Oklah.
Nak rileks.
Download cerita Vampire Diaries sambil tido.
Heaven!
Babai!
p/s: I just got back, my mom going to KL. And she's in KL now. Issshhh.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Home Sweet Home
Alhamdulillah.
Sampai rumah dah!!
OMG, baru 8 bulan aku tak balik..
Dah macam-macam benda baru dekat Kuching nih..
Bangunan baru banyak naik dah.
Apa gila cepat beno naik semua nih??
Tak boleh terimmmmaaaaaa!!!
Takpa, apa-apa pun..
Makanan Sarawak tetap diperut hati..
Since aku ada banyak masa nak lepak..
So kita rilek dulu.
Esok mau carik Mi Kolok!
Terbaik dekat Bimmers.
Nomnomnomnom..
Takkan jumpa lah yang best macam tuh..
Walaupun dekat Semenanjung sana ada..
Gerenti tak sama :P
Anyways, masa on the way nak ke airport petang semalam..
Aku dapat SMS from Dell, Penang..
Dapat offer untuk join Apprentice Program dorang..
Tapi uolssss, Penang!!
Tak dapat apa details pun sebab dorang suruh aku confirm jer dulu nak join ke tak.
Haishhhhhh.
So, now tunggu jer lah HR dorang reply..
Kalau betul dapat, bila lah agaknya kena lapor diri.
Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
Aku nak stay Kuching lamaaaaa lamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
Tapi tuhlah, tak boleh nak memilih sangat kerja nih..
Apa ingat senang ke peluang nak datang bergolek 2 3 kali?
So kita tunggu dan lihat apa ceritanya.
Kalau confirm diterima, makanya, Penang lah tempat ku...
Kalau tak, kita teruskan mencari kerja..
Baru jer apply dekat Sarawak, tapi Miri.
But still Sarawak..ok lah kot.
Huhuhuhuhuhu.
Oklah, aku mau rilek.
Penat!!
Sampai-sampai dah tengah malam.
Lain kali cerita panjang lebar ye.
Babai!
p/s: Orang kata Penang tuh Food Heaven, ye aku akui, tapi still, dia belum sampai lagi heaven teratas sebab takda makanan macam Laksa Sarawak, Mi Kolok, Swee Kang and the list goes on :P
Sampai rumah dah!!
OMG, baru 8 bulan aku tak balik..
Dah macam-macam benda baru dekat Kuching nih..
Bangunan baru banyak naik dah.
Apa gila cepat beno naik semua nih??
Tak boleh terimmmmaaaaaa!!!
Takpa, apa-apa pun..
Makanan Sarawak tetap di
Since aku ada banyak masa nak lepak..
So kita rilek dulu.
Esok mau carik Mi Kolok!
Terbaik dekat Bimmers.
Nomnomnomnom..
Takkan jumpa lah yang best macam tuh..
Walaupun dekat Semenanjung sana ada..
Gerenti tak sama :P
Anyways, masa on the way nak ke airport petang semalam..
Aku dapat SMS from Dell, Penang..
Dapat offer untuk join Apprentice Program dorang..
Tapi uolssss, Penang!!
Tak dapat apa details pun sebab dorang suruh aku confirm jer dulu nak join ke tak.
Haishhhhhh.
So, now tunggu jer lah HR dorang reply..
Kalau betul dapat, bila lah agaknya kena lapor diri.
Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
Aku nak stay Kuching lamaaaaa lamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
Tapi tuhlah, tak boleh nak memilih sangat kerja nih..
Apa ingat senang ke peluang nak datang bergolek 2 3 kali?
So kita tunggu dan lihat apa ceritanya.
Kalau confirm diterima, makanya, Penang lah tempat ku...
Kalau tak, kita teruskan mencari kerja..
Baru jer apply dekat Sarawak, tapi Miri.
But still Sarawak..ok lah kot.
Huhuhuhuhuhu.
Oklah, aku mau rilek.
Penat!!
Sampai-sampai dah tengah malam.
Lain kali cerita panjang lebar ye.
Babai!
p/s: Orang kata Penang tuh Food Heaven, ye aku akui, tapi still, dia belum sampai lagi heaven teratas sebab takda makanan macam Laksa Sarawak, Mi Kolok, Swee Kang and the list goes on :P
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Kuching :)
I am coming home.
Sekejap lagi nak bertolak ke airport.
Flight lambat lagi, tapi dah tak sabar.
Hehehehhehee.
Taklah, sebab takut traffic jam semua.
Barang banyak so kena amik cab ke KL Sentral..
Then terus amik bas ke LCCT..
Nanti aku bosan dekat LCCT..
Aku update blog yaaa :)
Babai!
p/s: Excited!
Sekejap lagi nak bertolak ke airport.
Flight lambat lagi, tapi dah tak sabar.
Hehehehhehee.
Taklah, sebab takut traffic jam semua.
Barang banyak so kena amik cab ke KL Sentral..
Then terus amik bas ke LCCT..
Nanti aku bosan dekat LCCT..
Aku update blog yaaa :)
Babai!
p/s: Excited!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Total pancit!
Aku rasa badan aku dah mogok gila-gila.
Penat yang terasa nih melampau-lampau sangat ok.
Aku nak cuba ingat balik apa yang aku buat sampai penat sangat nih. Huhuhuh
Kita start dengan 2 minggu lepas.
18/4/2011 - Tido lambat study for viva thesis.
19/4/2011 - Tido lagi lambat sebab esoknya viva.
20/4/2011 - Bangun awal gila sebab viva. Then lepas viva pergi pinjam 6 books untuk editing. Penat dah start! Tido lambat lagi sebab editing.
21/4/2011 - Bangun awal and tido lambat sebab editing.
22/4/2011 - Bangun lambat sikit, tapi still tido lambat gila nak edit tesis.
23/4/2011 - Sebab nak pergi Bangi anta thesis untuk jilid, so bangun super awal. Pergi Bangi, then balik dari Bangi, spent 3 hours dekat bookfair! Penat sebab ramai orang!
24/4/2011 - Finally, rehat for a day.
25/4/2011 - Bangun lambat, tapi terus ke bookfair lagi. Spent hours browsing and beli buku. Penat sebab naik public transport, tukar2 stesen and stuff.
26/4/2011 - Off to Bangi. This time naik komuter rather than hari tuh naik kereta. Lepas dapat yang jilid, terus pergi hantar! Sampai rumah petang gila dah. Penat! Long journey!
27/4/2011 - Bangun awal, off to Central Market. browsing for hours. Then pergi pulak ofis jabatan lepas tuh.
28/4/2011 - Ice skating yang super fun sebab pergi ramai2! Tapi penat tak ingat sebab kena tolong ajar member imbangkan badan, tambah pulak kasut dia super tak comfortable. Sakit nak mampus! Main dalam 3 jam jer sebab letih sangat lah. Perjalanan KL-Sunway-KL sangat jauh and memenatkan.
29/4/2011 - Half day dekat lab kemas and bersihkan barang-barang. Penat tak ingat sebab ice skating a day before. Lepas setel lab, pergi Chow Kit beli add the barang untuk packing kotak, tali lah apa lah. Balik dari Chow Kit, susun segala kotak, seal semua, named each of them. Petang pulak ikut aunty balik umah dia lepak2 ctuh. Malam pulak pergi Pasar Malam Chow Kit, makan durian bagai.
30/4/2011 - Dari tengah hari sampai malam keluar. Spent time dekat Times Square jer. For 6 hours, spent time dengan budak praktikum masa matrik. So much fun. Doing all the catching ups and stuff. Then tengok wayang. Lama gila iklan sampai tersengguk-sengguk. Thor's great! Sampai umah around 9pm. Had shower, then dinner, then terus online sampai sekarang.
See?
Betapa pack nya hari-hari last aku kat UKM nih, kat KL lah kiranya.
Semalam, before kuar pegi TS tuh, member aku call.
Budak lawnbowl lah nih.
Ajak join budak MASUM training esok dia cakap (pagi karang lah tuh)..
Tapi just suka-suka lah main2 jer lepas gian.
Tapi bila fikir susah sangat nak ulang alik KL-Mont Kiara-KL..
Terus aku cakap kat dia malam tadi..
Aku cancel ikut lah..
Duit pun cukup sampai hari Selasa balik Kuching..
Plus, lawnbowl nih last minute plan kan..
Aku pun bajet cukup2 jer untuk keluar semua..
Tetiba masuk kes lawnbowl, memang lari bajet lahhh..
So, cancel..
Tapi good lah cancel.
Sebab aku rasa sangat penat.
Tak sempat nak rest betol-betol..
Kang badan aku mengamuk..
Terus demam teruk padan muka kan..
Payah naik flight demam-demam nih..
Huhuhuhuhuhu.
Oklah.
Ada masa and tenaga lebih aku up stories pasal jalan-jalan ye.
Oh, Anuar Zain!
Sangat handsome kan?
Jumpa dia kat Sunway Pyramid.
Next time aku up gambar dengan dia ye :P
Aku nih tak heran dengan Anuar Zain nih..
Siap aku selalu persoalkan apesal perempuan nih tergila-gilakan dia..
Tapi lepas jumpa dia ari tuh..
Aku yang tergila-gila kat dia..
Handsome gila!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Smart pulak tuh..
I loikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeee!! :D
Adoi, terbawak-bawak.
Klah, mau baca buku best nih.
Babai!
p/s: Terasa lama gila nak tunggu Selasa nih. After 8 months, akhirnya aku akan balik Kuching, for good!! InsyaAllah :)
Penat yang terasa nih melampau-lampau sangat ok.
Aku nak cuba ingat balik apa yang aku buat sampai penat sangat nih. Huhuhuh
Kita start dengan 2 minggu lepas.
18/4/2011 - Tido lambat study for viva thesis.
19/4/2011 - Tido lagi lambat sebab esoknya viva.
20/4/2011 - Bangun awal gila sebab viva. Then lepas viva pergi pinjam 6 books untuk editing. Penat dah start! Tido lambat lagi sebab editing.
21/4/2011 - Bangun awal and tido lambat sebab editing.
22/4/2011 - Bangun lambat sikit, tapi still tido lambat gila nak edit tesis.
23/4/2011 - Sebab nak pergi Bangi anta thesis untuk jilid, so bangun super awal. Pergi Bangi, then balik dari Bangi, spent 3 hours dekat bookfair! Penat sebab ramai orang!
24/4/2011 - Finally, rehat for a day.
25/4/2011 - Bangun lambat, tapi terus ke bookfair lagi. Spent hours browsing and beli buku. Penat sebab naik public transport, tukar2 stesen and stuff.
26/4/2011 - Off to Bangi. This time naik komuter rather than hari tuh naik kereta. Lepas dapat yang jilid, terus pergi hantar! Sampai rumah petang gila dah. Penat! Long journey!
27/4/2011 - Bangun awal, off to Central Market. browsing for hours. Then pergi pulak ofis jabatan lepas tuh.
28/4/2011 - Ice skating yang super fun sebab pergi ramai2! Tapi penat tak ingat sebab kena tolong ajar member imbangkan badan, tambah pulak kasut dia super tak comfortable. Sakit nak mampus! Main dalam 3 jam jer sebab letih sangat lah. Perjalanan KL-Sunway-KL sangat jauh and memenatkan.
29/4/2011 - Half day dekat lab kemas and bersihkan barang-barang. Penat tak ingat sebab ice skating a day before. Lepas setel lab, pergi Chow Kit beli add the barang untuk packing kotak, tali lah apa lah. Balik dari Chow Kit, susun segala kotak, seal semua, named each of them. Petang pulak ikut aunty balik umah dia lepak2 ctuh. Malam pulak pergi Pasar Malam Chow Kit, makan durian bagai.
30/4/2011 - Dari tengah hari sampai malam keluar. Spent time dekat Times Square jer. For 6 hours, spent time dengan budak praktikum masa matrik. So much fun. Doing all the catching ups and stuff. Then tengok wayang. Lama gila iklan sampai tersengguk-sengguk. Thor's great! Sampai umah around 9pm. Had shower, then dinner, then terus online sampai sekarang.
See?
Betapa pack nya hari-hari last aku kat UKM nih, kat KL lah kiranya.
Semalam, before kuar pegi TS tuh, member aku call.
Budak lawnbowl lah nih.
Ajak join budak MASUM training esok dia cakap (pagi karang lah tuh)..
Tapi just suka-suka lah main2 jer lepas gian.
Tapi bila fikir susah sangat nak ulang alik KL-Mont Kiara-KL..
Terus aku cakap kat dia malam tadi..
Aku cancel ikut lah..
Duit pun cukup sampai hari Selasa balik Kuching..
Plus, lawnbowl nih last minute plan kan..
Aku pun bajet cukup2 jer untuk keluar semua..
Tetiba masuk kes lawnbowl, memang lari bajet lahhh..
So, cancel..
Tapi good lah cancel.
Sebab aku rasa sangat penat.
Tak sempat nak rest betol-betol..
Kang badan aku mengamuk..
Terus demam teruk padan muka kan..
Payah naik flight demam-demam nih..
Huhuhuhuhuhu.
Oklah.
Ada masa and tenaga lebih aku up stories pasal jalan-jalan ye.
Oh, Anuar Zain!
Sangat handsome kan?
Jumpa dia kat Sunway Pyramid.
Next time aku up gambar dengan dia ye :P
Aku nih tak heran dengan Anuar Zain nih..
Siap aku selalu persoalkan apesal perempuan nih tergila-gilakan dia..
Tapi lepas jumpa dia ari tuh..
Aku yang tergila-gila kat dia..
Handsome gila!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Smart pulak tuh..
I loikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeee!! :D
Adoi, terbawak-bawak.
Klah, mau baca buku best nih.
Babai!
p/s: Terasa lama gila nak tunggu Selasa nih. After 8 months, akhirnya aku akan balik Kuching, for good!! InsyaAllah :)
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