Hole and Hope

Eippppp. Jangan pikir yang bukan-bukan :)

There's a hole in my heart. This time it's one big hell of a hole. So big that i think i need tones of things to cover it up. How eyh?

I did my writing for my thesis, still felt the hole. I played the game in PSP, there you go, the hole. I laughed out loud with friends, still there. I focused (yeah, i did) on FB, again, there's a hole. i watched video of cool and sexy pianist on YouTube, still felt the same. I went to faculty and fed my fishes, still there, always there. I slept and slept so much to get rid of the thoughts, but my dreams weren't helping at all, the hole is still so obvious.

Obviously i did everything these past few days, but it seems nothing had really cover that hole up. It's freaking 4.15am and i am all awake just because i had a dream of that person. iskkkkkk. I am so pathetic. Oh, that doesn't count since i slept at 9pm last night, so i am all awake because i have had enough sleep.

When there's a hole, there's a hope. You know the quote saying "light at the end of the tunnel". Something like that. Yeah, the light is the hope, i think. So i am now hoping that there will be at least one big or maybe huge thing to cover that hole up. Because i am done hoping for that something, so i want that hole to be closely shut.

I am now broken-hearted. I've glued it together since it was torn into million of pieces. That's how i've met the hole. I couldn't find that one large piece of it. I failed myself.

Even if i can't cover it up. There's nothing to regret. There's so much more to cherish. I mean good and sweet memories to cherish than to regret on only one thing. People made mistakes, so did i. I've ask for forgiveness, and i hope that person give me one. Ego ain't bring you anywhere. That's why i need to say my apology.

I know that person felt the same too, but not the hole thingy, i meant the broken-hearted thingy. But i hope that this won't make that person hates me. I don't want people to hate me.

There's so much ego in YOU even MINE can't beat yours. You admit it yourself before. I know you are the one with the experience of life. But do remember, you have been in my place before, and you yourself know how rebel a young adult is. You should just bear with it, just like how i bear with your temper and mood swings. I am greatly disappointed. But nevermind, it's too late.

God bless you. Thanks for so many things. Have a great life :) You will always be remembered and missed. :)

p/s: please excuse me for the hearty blog posts for these few days ok. Bear with me please :)