huhu...it hurts so much...

dont ask me how..

dont ask me why..

dont ask me for any explanation..

coz i am afraid i dont even know the answer myself..

it does hurt..

to hear you talk..

to hear you confusedly ask..

to hear you happily tell me..

about the girl you met..

about the girl you like..

about how both of you enjoy texting each other..

about how much you know about her..

i have tried..

not to show my jealousy..

not to show my anger..

not to show any emotion..

whenever you talk about her..

either once or twice or even more..

i will never show my jealousy..

but then..

it seems i cant hold it back anymore..

it seems to hurt deep inside..

those words about her..

making my heart throbbing inside to be let out..

now..

it is so hard to be close to you anymore..

it is so hard to joke with you anymore..

it is so hard to share anything with you anymore..

it felt wrong..

so wrong it scares me..

it scares me coz i know i am falling for you..

and now..

i have to avoid you..

i have to talk less with you..

i have to get rid of your present in my mind..

coz..

it was you i miss everyday..

it was you i thought of whenever i had the chance..

it was always you making me smile..

but it WAS..not IS..

then..

i said i found a guy to replace you..

i said i try to approach him..

i said we are ok..

i said i might be liking him..

but it was all lie..

there is a guy..

but never more than a friend..

a lie to cease my pain..

a lie to try to make you comfortable..

a lie not to make you feel guilty..

a lie not to make you pity me..

if we do fall for each other..

it wont be a about compassion..no..

it must be love..

love as a friends..a bestfriend..

love as a keeper..

love as a lover loves her soulmate..

you said you were a fantasy..

but for me you are a good fantasy..

in fact a great one..

i know it will never be real..

coz you would always said you wanted to be the mystery guy..

but guess what??

friends doesnt stay mystery..

friends arent fantasy..

friends are real..

if we are friends..

you will never mention anything about fantasy..

you said i will find someone worth i fought for..

but i think i found you..

but then i am not going to fight for you...

coz i know the other girl surely win easily..

i am no one compare to have..

she's the swan and i am the ugly duckling..

you like her and not the other way round..

see..

i told you..

i dont actually know what i feel..

you read it..

you judge it..

you said we should give each other time..

well, in case i never able to get over you..

i am sorry to avoid you..

please..

dont hate me bcoz of what i feel..

i cant help myself..

it's too hard to handle..

so i let it go now..

till then..

thanks for making me feel like i have been loved..

thanks for caring too much..

thanks for being a "fantasy and mystery" friend of mine..

i really DO like you..

it's not your fault..

it's mine to be..

take care always..

love, Me.. :)