The Gem of My Life

2 more weeks untuk majlis tahlil ke-40 arwah Nenek.
Not once in my daily life that I don't miss her.
Every single day, I would take minutes off just to say prayers for her.

There are so many memories with her, which made me confused sometimes.
They got mixed up whenever I am missing her.
Just too many.

Sometimes I cried of missing her.
Even sometimes, her voice, calling my name, echoed in the back of my mind.
I still can remember how her voice sounds like over the phone whenever I called her.

I still can remember her, smiling so cute and sheepishly whenever she asked me to comb off the skin psoriasis on her head.
Her laugh whenever we talked.
Her angry faces.
Her excitement in her voice whenever I called her from afar.

When I was a newborn, up until I was about 1 to 2 years old, she was the one taking care of me.
I stayed with her in Sibu for almost 2 years, while my parents working in Kuching.
Now you know why I was so fond of her.
And I just found out about this when we had the tahlil for the 20th night. How sad right?
And now I know why in the world that I have some special out of the world love for her.
And now I know why she always asked for me whenever I was on holidays.
If I couldn't go and spent time in Sibu with her, she'd come to Kuching, via bus, sometimes alone.
Ya Allah, a sacrifice a grandma did for a grand daughter.
And now, I am crying typing this.

Sometimes I wished I was dreaming and when I opened my eyes, she's here.
Sometimes I wished she's walking into my house, all smiling, and I got her hand to 'salam' her.
Sometimes I wished I am hugging her.
Sometimes I wished she's out there on the sofa watching her favorite Indonesian Sinetrons.
Sometimes I am waiting for her to call me from my room to help comb off the psoriasis on her head, like I always did.
Sometimes I wished I can request any meal from her, and she'll cooked it.
She never failed to cook anything I want.
She always did.
She would spare some meal just for me if I am not around because she knew I would love that.
She would help me sew my tore clothes, or sew the button on.
Sometimes I wished she's here to ask me to massage her back.

But wishes doesn't come true some times.
And she's not here anymore.
All I can do is close my eyes, and see her in the back of my mind.
Everything about her is still so clear.
So vivid, so real.
Her voices, her expressions, her laughs, her smiles, her love for me, her softness, everything.

Nek, kamek rindu kitak gilak-gilak Nek. Kamek rindu klaka ngan kitak. Kamek rindu nenga kitak ngerepak nangga cerita Indon. Kamek rindu masakan kitak. Kamek rindu pasal kitak yang selalu back up kamek. Kamek rindu kitak yang sik pernah nyebut pun hal berat kamek. Kamek rindu nenga kitak merik nasihat. Kamek rindu nenga kitak tetak-tetak bila kita berguro dengan Udak malam-malam di Sibo.Kamek rindu nenga kitak ngaji. Kamek rindu gilak kitak nekkk. 

Tonight, the elder sis of my late Nenek, we called her Nek Cik, passed away too.
She was staying at late Nenek's house too, never been married.
Udak took care of her too.
She's also bedridden for some times, even before my late Nenek did.

Al-fatihah to them.