hola(o-la)... =P

fuhh...i started this at 12.35am 21/11/2008...let's see how much time i need to finish it...hahahah :P i guess it takes time since i am on FaceBook and games. well, just wanted to say something while i am here in LCCT(low-cost carrier terminal..it's for the Air Asia only). Just wanted something to do besides Facebook-ing and Gaming... :) i am damn boring and i don't know how long i can stand of not sleeping. i am very sleepy, a bit of headche, and a bit of muscle-ache here and there...waaa!! T_T

what's hot today? nothing! haha. i mean maybe my hot-tempered are getting worse. because of all the works i have to do. i have no time to think of anything else besides working, and working and working. on what purpose? ACTIVITIES! as much as i HATE activities, i love the working environment. oh no. i am talking craps again. i just said said in a way or another that i hate working now i said i love it. confused? me too! it's what you get when u didn't sleep for hours and making yourself tired by emptying and packing the room! damn!(kalo balek naek sem nt bilik tak renovate, mmg la..i will kill the CAT! huh..ape lah salah kucing tuh)

fuh. i miss K. we haven't been chatting for like a week, or less. haha :P i know he's busy. but the last word he said to me the last day we chat, has made me confused. well, i am a kind of girl you will find so slow in picking up words from people. i am a blur one! be straightforward to me. jangan nak putar belit mcm ular or wire telefon or even rambut lepas bangun tdo. huhu. =_="
where are you K? hey, we didn't fight. he's just too busy. well, this will be my last day online since back at home i don't have any internet connection('cause everyone's using the mobile phone..huh). so, i might not be in contact with him. oh, we never used the SMS sytem. haha :D 'cause i don't have his number yet. ngaaa~

i feel like a fool here. talking to myself in my mind(what they say? monologue is it). and smiling and laughing alone. while looking interesting-ly at my laptop. sucks! i need real people. i need human with brain and IQ to talk to. i need a person who has IQ level more than 1. even a baby will do for now. haha :))
i wanted a companion here. it's so boring to go back home alone. no one to talk to. it's not my first time though. but i do feel this way sometimes. it's not the same when you go for shoppings or movies or hanging out and lepak-ing alone. it's no fun here in airport. sape ckp best airport?? cepat angkat kaki kiri!! huhu T_T

there IS someone next to me here. not exactly next to me. but at the same table. he wanted to use the power socket too. and me? i brought along my extension. haha. 'cause i forgot to pack it along with other stuff. in the end making me stuffing it into my bag. gosh, luckily i have enough of spaces in my bacpack. i am too shy to start any conversation with him. yes, it's a HIM. and chinese. all we said to each other are "he: can i plug my adaptor here? me: yeah, sure. he: thank you :) me: oh, my pleasure." that's all and then he sat there typing and looking at the screen of his laptop. no words coming out from either of us. complete silence. except the cleaner here in LCCT are vacuuming the floor and the sound is very irritating, annoying. rasa nak sumbat jer tikus dalam vacuum tuh. huhu =_="

the airport are getting emptier. no more a group or a bunch of people making noises. it makes me sleepy though 'cause i can't stand silence. not that i like noises, but complete silence is a NO NO! i like to see people's behavior around me. the way they smile, talk, laugh. the sad look. the happy look. i wish i have a DSLR now to capture the moments. :) lalala~ it's getting boring and more boring. i think i can sleep with my eyes open and typing at the same time. erkk? SCARY! mama, please. next time. no more staying up late here in airport. i hate airport. but i can't wait for morning. i can see the sun rise from above. aww, how nice. again, i wish i have DSLR now. ok mama. i take back my word. buy me a plane ticket on morning flight. the best is 7am. so i can see the sunrise and morning from above. :) and take some great photos :D

ouh, my head's getting heavier. my eyelid even heavier. damn! i don't want to sleep! i want to stay awake. i want STARBUCKS. but they only have COFFEE BEAN here. :( i never buy any drinks from COFFEE BEAN. i don't know what to buy. dira said CARAMEL LATTE's nice. but, is it as nice as CARAMEL MACCHIATO?? =( now i miss STARBUCKS! huwaaaa!! T_T

i can't wait to be home. then, pick the EVH people this Sunday for our trip in Kuching. i am very nervous of the program 'cause i am the one who arranged the places. not all. but most of the 'jalan2' places. huhu. i hope they will like it and enjoy every seconds in Kuching. :) unfortunately, i might not have my DSLR before the trip 'cause of the limited time to go shop for it. huhu. nevermind, as long i get mine before 2nd semester starts. :)

okay, i think i have enough of typing this. i need to stop. oh, yeah. i learnt new sentence. it's in spanish though.

Las posibilidades no tienen final which means the possibilities are endless. what possibilities? it's mine to keep :) haha..

till then. CIAO!! :)

grrrrr...~!!! No More Immune For Me Please!

hey there...

i just finished my Immunology paper and it SUCKS BIG TIME!!!!!!!! i looked like a FOOL staring at the questions(it took me 10 minutes to realize i have to answer no matter what..huh!). Speechless(of course since i can't make any noise in the Exam Hall) and feeling numb, i feel like someone has taken my brain out of my head. i feel empty. NADA. EMPTY! arrghhh!! the questions made me feel like i never learn Immunology. it's too tough for me. not to mention. "SILA JAWAB DUA SOALAN DALAM BAHAGIAN B DI BUKU JAWAPAN YANG BERASINGAN YANG TELAH DISEDIAKAN". in my thought "yes! only 2 essays!". but then when the lecturer said we can start, i am like "damn! answer 2 essays and no choices???!! wtfish??!!" the lecturer made it compulsory to answer both essays and he only have 2 essays questions for us.. T_T

really..i am DEAD. and now you are reading some blog posted by a ZOMBIE of Ain. she can't RIP since she have to wait for the result. then, she might RIP or she can continue living as Vampire(if she passes the paper, she might awake from death). arrghh!

one more paper left. very excited. then i can go home and release all the tensions in my mind. i have to go to the gym though. lose some weight, sweats a lot so i can have all the toxin out of me and be fresh again. living in KL with full of almost every type of pollutions, really tenses my body. huhu. i need fresh air.

Eco-Cultural Sarawak Programme. 23rd to 27th of November. Environmental Health Club of UKM KL. 40 participants. hmmmm. stressing. so many things to be done. afraid. of the outcome. afraid. the participants are not satisfy. afraid. of losing my mind and temper. afraid. of giving up the programme. i really so not into it now. but i am the on kuching-ian in the bunch. i have to help. it's the courtesy of the host. kuching is my place. and will always be. it's the best place all time. i really miss home. :(

i guess i have said enough of what i want to say in the first place. forgive me if i offend you(about the eco-cultural). it's just what i feel. and i feel like posting it here.

till then, ciao!

i LOVE you!! :)

ey peepz~~

i have been updating my blog so frequently lately. not that i am so into this thing(i am but not just it! LOL), but there are so many things happen and i think the only way for me to share it or to let it out of my mind is by blogging. it is fun you know, i mean blogging. i am glad i did it. well, the reason is not for people to read, but priority is to get all those things out of my head. not that i hate keeping it in mind, but it feels right to write them in blogs and read, well, re-read over and over again. not forget to mention, smiling and frowning or even pondering and imagining on those memories. it is funny, sometimes. when u laugh at your own writing. haha. playing with your own emotions is COOL!

oh yeah, this blog entrance actually to tell you guys how much fun i had last Saturday. haha. me, Ain, always about fun. no matter what condition i am in(fyi, i am still in finals weeks. hahaha!) oh yeah! with the same reason we went to MID, but this time, shopping is all about Rangga. Rangga who? he's Put lover. haha. yeah, Put's dearest boyfriend! went shopping for a converse pair of sneakers. Rangga needs it for his upcoming band performance back in Bandung, Indonesia. did i mention that Put's Indonesian? Yeah, she's from Riau. i don't know why Rangga wants it from Malaysia though. but he said it was cheaper. yeah, right. all in all, whatever happens we still have to get a GREEN CONVERSE SNEAKERS. GREEN!! luckily, there was a green pair. oh, forget to mention, we went to TIMES SQUARE earlier before we headed to KLCC for CONVERSE outlet. as usual, we had lunch at TS' Mcd, then we walk for a while around TS, just looking around. Put was searching for a necklace for Rangga. and she wanted only a V-shaped guitar on it. fuhh, God just loves me 'cause we found it finally. haha.

she got him that necklace which i thought quite expensive. and suddenly, SUDDENLY(!!), Put asked me whether i wanted a pair for myself. it was very surprising you know, for a friend asking that question. then i said i am okay with it IF only she had one for herself. then we decided we should get one for both of us, to be FAIR. so, at last, she bought us this very CUTE necklace with LOVE on it which can be separated into half. we carved our name at each halves. it's so SWEET right? for bestfriends to have that necklace. :) Put told me i have to wear it always, and care for it and if it's lost, i lost her. Awww, i LOVE my BESTFRIEND! :) thanks a LOT, Put!!

after we had the necklace(we had to wait like 1/2 an hour for the necklace to be readily carved, not to forget to add another 45minutes of lunch.duh!!) we head to KLCC. the taxi charged us RM13 TS-KLCC. wtfish??!! oh, nevermind. it was bad traffic too though. taxi driver was forgiven. we went straight to the CONVERSE outlet, bought the sneakers, head to the Post Office, then back to Memory Lane to pack the sneakers, then again back to the Post Office and post that sneakers and necklace. dang! tired! after that, we had ourselves a slice of MODESTO'S PIZZA each. we didn't eat there, i mean, at the Modesto's but we went to the lake at first floor. just sit there, chilled out, eat pizza, talking craps, laughing. we had fun though! :) we are so tired of walking around so we decided to went straight back to college. fuh! another RM25 for taxi from KLCC-KG BARU-JLN TEMERLOH. again, bad traffic on weekend, taxi driver was forgiven.

yeah, i had fun, thanks to Putri. always, thanks to her. we talked about K a lot. she said some things, which i guess had changed the way i think. talking about K. we are now totally fine. he's always okay, and i am already okay. LOL. it was just so immature of me. i mean K is always fine. he never mad at me, he said. he just think that he doesn't need to reply to any of my immature sayings. yeah, STUPIDO me~! nevermind, we are okay now. i am so thrill with it! we just had some chats. and i am really glad we talked the way we used to :)

alright peepz, i am so done with this entry. till next time yeah~! oh yeah, I LOVE YOU, PUTRI~! *hugs n kisses* bestfriend forever!

p/s : Put, this necklace is so cute i can't get enough of looking at it! THANKS! :D

yeah..it's a trend..and i HATE it! :(

bonjour..

this post is regardly to reply what Farah said in her latest blog post. yeah. Farah was right. DSLR's a trend now and IS very overrated. i hate the fact too, Farah. i started playing with SLR camera 2 years back. at that time, it's just a hobby, i mean for fun. just clicking the snap button on a friend's SLR and there you are, how i started to fall in love with photography. well, it was more than that. i like the art of photography. i like it when it is hard to learn how to take good photos. there were lomos too, i like them but i prefer SLR. at that moment, i promised myself i'll get one of it one day. which actually took me 2 years(now, though) to have it. for some reason, i can't afford it. not even my parents. now, they do. so, thank God!

now, when i can afford to get one, it feels wrong. something isn't right. know what? cause EVERYONE is having one. i don't like the fact that at the time i seriously want to involve myself in photography, it's become a trend. i hate possers! i thought for a moment. can i just wait another year or so, for all the possers to say bye to DSLR and hie to a new trend? then i said, naah. just ignore what people said. you know what you want. and you'll get it. :) yes Ain!

and fyi, not all DSLR owners know exactly the anatomy and physiology of DSLR. not that i am the master of it. but everytime i ask them, all i have for anwers are "i usually and only use the auto and manual mode. i didn't use other modes". "i only took pictures with this(finger pointing on the mode button)". so, wth?! so, i figure out. this is really a huge trend. none i meet knows exactly why they wanted DSLR in the first place. it's just a trend. and all trend will have their ups and downs. and i think for a moment, "yeah, let it be" only the true one, the die-hard-fan really cares about the art of photography. others? LAME.

i agree. DSLR is a trend now. only true fans stay with it forever!

and to my surprise, K replied my YM. eventhough it's just a simple saying, it made me happy. knowing he's okay and i am not. huhu :( still, i wanted to say so many things to him. hopefully he will totally forgive me, SOON enough! huhu

till then reader(s), CIAO!

clearing the mind~! MID time! :)

heya...

today was fun! me and Put went to MID and go crazy on shoppings(just Put, not me). she spent like crazeeeeeee! really crazy. happy for her anyway. and thanks a lot to her for today. thanks Put! everything was on her. the meal. the cab. except for STARBUCKS(which i am dying for, craving for the caramel machiato as the one i had at starbucks BORDER was too bad). LOL. thanks thanks thanks. there were so many things to share, to talk about. i even opened up to her about K. she's the one you'll go to though if you are in my shoes. seriously! i felt relieved after sharing it to her. and FARAH too. thanks Farah :)

it feels like years since we had the fight. i miss him around. am i in LOVE? no, i don' think so. it's the same feeling i had when i had a fight with my friends and we didn't contact each other like for a while. it's the same feeling. i am just more worried about K cause of his condition(under medication thingy).

so, what did i bought? you know, if you are going somewhere nearer, like TS or BB or PAVI, whatever you bought is no BIG DEAL. but now, i am talking about MID. which is in fact, far from my place. well, we act like the rich. took the cab from here to MID. then the same way as from MID back to our place. but nevermind, Put paid for the cab. haha. thanks Put! oh ya, i bought nothing! NOTHING! i mean not that i did't buy anything, i did though. but just some toiletries at GUARDIAN. and meals(which were on PUT, yeah, were, the LUNCH and DINNER, both on her!!). besides those stated, nothing more. it was more likely that i accompanied Put for her shoppings. she bought this very nice knitted purple MNG vest, with a match of white GIORDANO shirt, a black n red ELLE heels, a match purple-pink necklace from ENVEE. yeah, that was much of it. very nice though. and damn EXPENSIVE! haha. i wish i can shoppe like her. but since i requested a very quite much from my dad(i requested a Sony Alpha 200W DSLR Cam), so i can't expect him to give me some pocket money for shoppings. dang! but hey, it's okay cause i will still get my DSLR whatever happens. haha. *evil laugh*

and as we got to the guitar shop, which i always did everytime i went to MID, i saw this very attractive and sexy guitar, an amp, a guitar stand and a HOT guitar case, they all went straight to my WILL-BE-GRAB LIST. hehehe. again. another very much from my dad. less clothing budget. more stuff budget. LOL. well, i still need to buy some new clothes and jeans though, and not to forget some sort of a feminine attire(not just some sort of casual shirts or clothing). oh, y? because i had a plan with Put, that i will go to her place which in Riau in a few months time(of course on hols laaa!) then together we hit Bandung and Jakarta. right Put? :P

and not forget to mention, i am so FEMININE today! haha. i wear this blouse/dress from my previous college's dinner with a jeans and my previous course dinner heels! wow ain! u have grown up! LOL. yeah. i mean it when i say i look wayyyyyy different than i used too. no casual/sporty shirts or sneakers today. just no handbags. i still can't find the one i really like. i am very choosy in everything. and very high taste. haha. i only wanted the best. not just some RM10 or below RM100 bags. see. i told you. i am very choosy. and very sarcastic. my mom sure knows it! hehehe.

i haven't told my mom yet how i look like going out today. and we did'nt took any pictures though. which is a waste i guess. no memories of me being very FEMININE for the first time. LOL. if my mom sees it, sure she will hugs and kiss the whole of my face. hahaha. AIN, u look so NICE in IT!(i won't fall for what she said as that's the way she try to pull me off from my usual style and make me into some feminine lady, as if i will). haha. evil me. sorry mom. i still have the sporty me. it doesn't mean i change to a whole new AIN. no no no. not yet. maybe in 2009? haha. yeah right.

as a conclusion(the way we conclude it in school time. hehe), today was a real fun! eventhough i am very exhausted. it was fun though. not worrying about K, exams or anything. just money. haha. till then peepz! ciao! :)

p/s: i wanted a short hair for new year!! weeee~!!! :)

arguing is sucks~! and finals even worse!

hey..

it's the 4th day of finals(which is actually 3 weeks in total, with 8 days of gap). i feel so damn miserable(not that i don't do my revision). know y? cause i don't have the exam fever(boo-yah! i supposed to have it like a day before exam). and this scares me off cause i only feel so very damn calm when things are getting very bad. very very bad. and guess what? it was bad! cause i have this feeling that i will FAIL my biochemistry and physiology(just pray that i won't fail). ngaaaa~!! really, i never had this failing-the-papers feeling, you know. and it really freaks me out. tsk tsk tsk.

now, back to my non-finals life. everything seems perfectly normal with K(which i don't think i prefer to mention his full name here). and K is not his initial, it's H. so, K. what about him? he's really a nice guy. a good friend. a best friend indeed(no further details of K will be provided) until we got into this UGLY fight. we fought about this stupid anti-depressing pills(he's on this medication, up for some reasons, too personal to state here). i guess it's my PMS to be blame too. i was so emotional about it, which i think because of the PMS. i should think about his condition before i could be a genius and said something(which i foolishly thought will calm him) which in turn i realized will not comfort him but makes things worse! (stupido me!) how stupid for me to bring up the stories(which made him took the medication) and then acted as genius saying all those STUPID advise which everyone had told him before me(again, stupid stupid stupid!) and now, he's not even YM-ing me, and for some stupid reasons too, i dont have his number now! arrghhh!! i feel very bad!

i hope all those things i said won't make him take any pills. i don't want to be his other reason to take those pills. enough with his previous experience which made him took it in the first place. damn! i feel worse now. i can't contact him. he's not YM-ing(i am not sure if he's online or not cause he's always invisible) i don't have his number now. i don't know how to reach him. i don't even have his friends' numbers(which is even worse) . i left hundreds of offline messages on his YM. he's not replying any of it which makes me wonder what have/had happen to him. i don't like this feelings cause everytime i have bad feeling, it turns out to be true. help me God! i hope he's just busy with his life(he turned out to be a workaholic since the bad experience). i hope he's fine. i hope it's just the fact that he's busy with his work, like he always did(he rarely online on YM when he's too busy with works). and i miss him. i miss the way he always makes me smile and laugh. i miss his sarcastism. i miss his narcissism. i just miss my friend and i want him back in my life. where are you K? i am really sorry. nothing more i can say. just sorry. i am so sorry.

well peepz. that's all for now i guess. and i am really miserable thinking about K. i wish it never happen(foolish said). i am out of here! till next time!

exam's coming soon~

dearie blog...

it's been quite a while since my last post (lame)...it's hard to find time to write blog...ngaaa~~ so busy with JAKSA, trip to SARAWAK(which is my own hometown)...oh yea...STUDY~!! u know...it's kinda hard to divide and manage or even organized a daily schedule(!!)...huuuwww..and to add FB and BLOG into it..it's like... arrghhh!! those 2 are very2 the distracting..huhu..and yet, what the fish, im blogging now....LOL..

well..since my last post...nothing much interesting happen in my life(again...lame) except for the lovely raya we had this year... :D this year's ry was a blast!! gler r...my mom's sibling sumer balek kg in sibu..except for my anjang (my mom's 1st younger sis, i mean, right after her la..that's what we call back in sarawak)...my nenek(oh...i just love her so very much) even bought a NEW fridge...it's very big (properly said...large..hehe) for her business...and guess what...another one, just to store the raya cakes!! (we had like 24 cakes for raya...i said cakes, not tibits!!!)..and i contribute 1 of them(i made this yummy cheese cake...not to say im a good cook, but it's really nice!)..heeee =D oh..what i love about ry are...family gathering and also duit ry!!! waaaahhh...this year i got so much from my nenek(thank u very much)..and my aunts and uncles...heeee(rs cam bdak kecik jer kumpul2 duit ry...dh org nak bg kan? weekkk)..besides duit raya and family gathering..hmm...baju raya...heheh...i think this year's raya the best so far(selain the one when i was 9)..ry was very2 comforting, cheer-ing, loving and lots more...tp smpai ry ke-5, kinda sad la(coz that's the day my atok, at my dad's side, died a year ago...)..maseh ingt lagi last year ry...we had this very happy raya with late atok on the 1st day of 2007's raya..suddenly, on the 4th day, he stopped breathing (T_T)..i was at my friends' when it happened..it should be my konvoi day with friends and azry's house is the 1st and yet i got that very sad news(dad was crying when he called me)..but i got the news from my lil bro right b4 dad(he smsed me right after the paramedic came to atok's place)..i told my friends(dhil was one of them and she's kinda family-related to me)..then asyraf offered me a drive to atok's(thanx)...and as i reached atok's, there were so many people(i mean family, extended family, friends of atok)...im kinda nervous tho when i stepped out of the car(mcm tak caye jer it happened)..the 1st person i went to is my lil bro who smsed me earlier..he told me the paramedic had left right b4 i arrived and had confirmed that atok's forever not with us..im still in shocked..i didnt know how to react..sad, confused, shocked, surprised...all in one..however, i have to face it tho..my lil bro ask me to go in...i was very nervous as if my legs were sticked to the ground..i cudnt move them...huhu....im shacking all the way into the house...i saw my cousins, and they were crying badly..and me?? still no emotion on my face...im not crying, not even smiling(of course!)..im blur...very blur..atok was buried a day after he died...which means we slept with late atok at that night..my aunt(dad's youngest sis) slept next to atok's coffin..she was crying all day long...until the day atok's buried..and the only time i cried is the time after jenazah atok's dimandikan and dikafankan...sebelum bahagian muka atok diikat ngan kain kafan, we had the chance to kiss his forehead...i cudnt hold my tears..they just dropped..all the memories of atok and us(he used to send and pick me and my sibs from school b4 he was paralyzed) flash in front of me..(the imam told us we cudnt let the tears touch atok or his wudhu' akan terbatal)..so i hv to really2 cry before i kissed him...tsk tsk tsk...i really miss atok...atok..we really miss u! Al-Fatihah..

after ry...i am supposed to get back on the 5th coz i hv class on the 6th, but im going back only on the 8th...lol..(alasan: ticket abes la)...heeeee :D balek lmbt mmg best, but ble smpai jer KTSN, fuhhhh....full of works!! ngaaaaaaaaaa~~ nak nyesal pon tak guna(coz i really had fun on the raya hols...takde pe nak disesalkan)...then, life goes on...and here i am...on this day...tak lm ag exam...and me?? im still blogging and fb-ing..lol...kinda funny tho...but scary too...to be exact, my finals will start in about 11 more days( i havent finish my revision, not even a subject..but i started tho)...hmmm..ape akan jd?? i dont know...all i know is i hv to struggle hard...no..no...struggle crazily(!!) hard(sbb midterm tak brp sgt)..huhu...well, im not worry myself coz i know how i study...i guess there's no need to worry if u know how u perform..i mean, how i perform in the revision..people might judge me, but im the only one who know myself better(maybe, ohh, except my parents)...risau2 jugak...tp takdela smpai depressed...but hey, i do hv OCD...u know...i hv this very obsessive-compulsive disease which i tend to always arrange my notes...gle ape...dh susun berkali2 pun nak susun ag..not to mention...susunan pun perlu sm...i mean the edge of every piece of paper kene sm...lol...ape dh jd nh...

oh ya...i hv a new craziness...dslr...it's been like over a year(almost 2 yrs) im into dslr...tp lately jd cam gle sgt2 pulak..im going to buy my sony a200k/w dslr!!! ngaaaa...tak sabarnye!! =) hope dad's ok with it...hihihi(tak mampu nak pakai duit sndiri...wekkk)..

i think that's all for now...toodles y'all!! =)

ramadhan almost over =(

Assalammualaikum wbt...

i think this year nye ramadhan la yg paling menyentuh hati n paling membawa makna untuk diri...terasa sangat sedih nak melepaskan ramadhan...terasa satu kehilangan besar dr diri ini...and ramadhan kali ini membuat aku memahami diri dengan lebih mendalam...orang lain sangka dorang paham ngan diri kita..tapi hakikatnya TIDAK!! sbb aku sendiri pon belom sepenuhnya memahami diri aku..ermmm..


satu mende yg aku discover ramadhan kali ini..aku masih jauh dr cintaNYA...sekrg aku tau nape selama nh hati ini rs ade satu kekosongan yg tak terjawab..dan persoalan BESAR(!!) tuh terjawab jugak akhirnya...aku syukur, tym aku paling memerlukan DIA, aku dapat petunjuk...bygkan..mlm hari aku nanges mengenangkan kerinduan aku yg TERAMAT padaNYA..and tym tuh, tbe2 ade plak org g selit naskhah yg aku rs membuka jiwa aku...bygkan..pukul 3 lebih pg...Subhanallah!! Alhamdulillah...


and ramadhan kali ini jugak aku mula serious membaca novel2 islami yg aku rs mmg betol2 lah mendalam kesannya kat aku...aku ni insan yg maseh mencari2 jawapan untuk byk persoalan...melalui novel2 tuh la aku jumpe gak jwapan2 secara tak langsung...aku jatuh cinta dengan novel2 HABIBURRAHMAN EL SHIRAZY tuh...sumernye sgt bermakna, memberi pengisian...dan aku kira layak digelar sbgai pengisi jiwa...drpd bc novel cinta yg membuai perasaan n tak tentu makna...bg aku la...


ramadhan ini jugak aku mula menulis blog, dan ini yg pertama...aku takde kawan baek yg aku boleh betol2 kongsi segala isi hati aku....kawan baek yg aku ade skrg cukup baek...sgt2 baek...tp aku juga memerlukan seorang sahabt, bukan kawan/rakan semata2...tamakkah aku?? byk aku mohon daripada Allah...tp aku serasa tamak...terlalu byk memohon, meminta daripadaNYA...tp aku rs tuh la sebetolnya...menghambakan diri pada ALLAH dan bukannya meminta2 dengan dunia nh...aku petik satu ayat yg boleh dikira doa drpd novel habiburrahman "Ya Allah, letakkanlah dunia di TANGANKU dan BUKAN DIHATIKU" ..sgt mendalam maksud ayat tuh...tp bg aku...sgt tepat untuk aku...untuk insan seperti aku yg bergelar hamba yg hina...terlalu duniawi diri ini...terlalu byk aku perlu ubah...


aku rs diri aku nh tak layak nak mohon byk2 dr ALLAH...tp, ALLAH jer tmpt aku mengadu...mengadu pada ALLAH, memohon petunjuk...bg aku adalah lebih melegakan drpd menanges memohon simpati org...manusia, tak lari dr tak-kesempurnaan termasuk diri aku nh...people will never stop taking others for granted...kalo sebelom nh aku rs sgtlah sunyi...sgtlah takde kwan..bak kata org, lone ranger...tp aku lupa ms tuh...aku lupa yg aku maseh ade famili...aku maseh ade ALLAH...aku tau ALLAH takkan bg dugaan di luar kemampuan hambaNYA..aku tau ALLAH takkan meninggalkan hambaNYA melainkan hambaNYA itu yg menjauhkan diri dariNYA..Subhanallah!! sungguh ENGKAU MAHA PENGASIH LAGI MAHA PENYAYANG...terlalu agung cinta allah pada hambaNYA yg soleh...dan aku terlalu ingin mengecapi CINTA AGUNG itu...


teringat aku pada satu rangkap lagu ayat-ayat cinta "bila bahagia mulai menyentuh, seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama, namun harus ku tinggalkan cinta, ketika ku bersujud" yup, bila ku bersujud...cinta hebat mcm mane pun di dunia, bila bersujud padaNYA, hanya ALLAH di hati...ya Allah...bilakah aku akan merasa seperti tuh?? nh solat pun lepas takbiratul jer trus melayang otak..mulut jer terkumat kamit membaca ayat2 suci...Astaghfirullah! sungguhlah aku nh tak layak...seperti bait2 lagu raihan "wahai TUHAN ku tak layak ke SYURGAMU, namun tak pula aku sanggup ke NERAKAMU"..ermm...mcm tuh lah aku rs....punyelah ingin nak ke syurga...tp amal tak cukup..huhuhuhu..sbb tuh aku rs, ramadhan yg bakal pergi tuh sgt menyedihkan..mane ag nak carik bulan yg penuh ngan BONUS tuh....buat solat sunat dpt pahala solat fardhu...bygkan...MAHA PEMURAH ALLAH kepada hambaNYA...


satu ag nh aku tak puas hati....asal ramadhan jer byklah buffet2 nye pakej...hmm..membazir btol...bak kata dr mazrura, tak sepatutnya buat mcm tuh...cubalah kita kenang org yg tak mampu....bukan setakat buffet, bukak pose cam bese pon tak mampu...isk...sedeyh aku..aku pon salah sorang yg anti ngan buffet2 nh...drpd buang duit bkk pose rm35 tuh, yg boleh buat mkn 7 ari...baek g buat mende laen yg berfaedah ke...haa...pastuh, tym bulan2 pose nh jgak aku tgk ramai pompuan dok pkai seksa2(sexy) tuh...duhhh...na'uzubillah! harap2 tak termasuk glongan tuh...tak semestinya pakai ketak2 tuh seksi...yg bukak aurat pon seksi gak pe...ishh....terbyg aku peristiwa nabi naek ke langit ms israk mikraj...ms nabi dibawa ke tempat seksaan aka neraka...seram akuu...mostly yg baginda tgk lak pompuan...ya Allah..mintak dijauhkan sgt2!!


td lepas sahur kt cf, aku duduk jap lepak2 ngan elin temankan die jap setelkan banner untuk prima...tgklah siaran langsung tarawih dr tanah suci...ya Allah, terharunye aku...beruntung benar org yg tinggal kat sn....solat tarawih di depan2 kaabah..teringt aku dalam novel Faisal Tehrani, Tunggu Teduh Dulu ms watak utama ngan mak die ke Tanah Suci...iskk....tak sabarnye aku nak jejak kaki kat sn gak!! tuh la azam aku satu2nya since aku skolah menengah(tym dh reti pk)...sonoknye kalo pergi ngan family...aku rindu cintaku Rasulullah SAW...bc buku kisah baginda pun dh cukup menyayat hati....tingin aku nak ziarah baginda ngan sahabat2 serta keluarga baginda...


skrg, aku tau...kalo aku susah hati...mane nak tuju...satu jer...ALLAH! cube try....kompom lega...aku jamin....takde laen selain ALLAH yg dpt jawab segala permasalahan dlm hati kita...cuba buat sekali jer...mesti akan rs nikmat n mesti akan sgt bertambah cinta kat DIA...aku syukur sbb ramadhan kali nh terbuka hati aku nak bc buku2 habiburrahman ngan buku2 ilmiah laen...termasuk la buku pasal solat ke...pendek kata buku2 sirah, agama...walaupun habiburrahman tak mungkin dengar atau baca...tp aku rs jutaan trima kaseh la kat dia...besar pahala die tulis buku cmtuh...menyedarkan...mengingatkan...menginsafkan...


satu mende ag aku rs yg buatkan aku sgt CINTAKAN ALLAH nh..betapa DIA pelihara aku drpd maksiat...smpai setakat nh, alhamdulillah...takdelah kapel2...wpun dulu pnah la cintan monyet tp pkai sms jer(kira cyber la kunun)...huhu..tp thn sebulan jer pun...and ms tuh plak aku nh punyelah tahap cipan mcm budak kecik(kira bengap ngan bangang pon ade)...huhu...tp alhamdulillah, tak pernah aku bersentuhan tgn ke kulit ke ape ke gan bkn mahram...laenkan aku terlanggar ms kat lrt ke monorail ke...nak wat cmne..ramai sgt org...huhu..dan jugak, tuh mmg aku nye prinsip hidup..takde cinta melaenkan lepas kahwin...serius! aku tak tau nape aku berpk mcm tuh since aku skolah menengah(budak laen tak pk pon cm aku..gle aku nh)..nh bukan aku buat2 ke bercita2 ke sbb bc ayat2 cinta...tp mmg dh lm...sbb tuh kalo org tye aku dh kapel ke tak..aku malas nak jawab dh...mcm tak perlu jer jawab...prinsip aku, cinta lepas nikah...cinta sbb ALLAH...cinta yg merupakan ibadah dan bukan nafsu...nh bukan jiwang nh...cinta di jalan ALLAH...indah btol kan kalo org kta nikah tuh di akhirat sm2 di syurga dan bercinta balek...aku br tau skrg sbb aku berfikiran kolot...and aku bersyukur sbb dr dulu aku pk kolot mcm nh...aku menginginkan suami yang baek, soleh...tp diri aku cmne?? layak ke?? sbb tuh ALLAH berfirman(aku tak reti ayat penuh) : " perempuan yg jahat untuk lelaki yang jahat dan perempuan yang baek untuk lelaki yang baek"...btol la tuh...aku kna perbaiki diri kalo btol nak yg baek...baru setimpal...dan aku tau ALLAH ade perancangan untuk aku...ALLAH merancang dengan cara yg kita tak pernah nak duga...dan itu adalah rahsia DIA...

aku rs dh panjang dh aku luahkan nh...nati len kali aku smbg ag....bg yg bc n tinggalkan komen tuh...thanx byk2....rajin2lah jenguk blok aku yg tak seberapa nh =)

wallahu'alam dan assalammualaikum wbt..